10 things i hate bout u or my live or wateva...

Ten things i hate the most ...

1) Cheaters...
2) Guys With a BIG ego ...
3) Two-timers...
4) Break-ups..
5) Depression & emo-ness..
6) Putting on weight !!
7) People that bug me til i get dam annoyed & they still dun get the hint..
8) Hangovers... !!
9) Two-faced..
10)Lack of $$$ ... i need it when im feelin depressed..

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I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts, cause it will end
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
As if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
As if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go, I'll be the first to go
Dont want to be the last to know (over, over, over)
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I cant live without you
Cant breathe without you
Im dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that its over
As if the world is spinning and Im still living
It won't be right if were not in it together (Tell me that it's over)

I cant live without you
Cant breathe without you
Im dreamin' bout you (Tell me that its over, over)
Honestly, tell me
Honestly, tell me
Dont tell me that its over
Dont tell me that its over

These lyrics really suit my emotions and how i feel right now...
I can so totally relate to it...
If it's over, y cant u let me know by ursefl ?

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31st October...

i will alwis remember this date... it will be wif me forever...
this date is when kc ask me to be his gf...
& when i actually thought back how it happen ..
it was funny yet sweet...
damm.. i hate oct 31...
i alwis hate it since the day we ended things off...
cos it mades me recalled back what happened that day ...
How can it turns so sour when we hit it off so good ..
*sob* *sob*
feel like crying again.. i can feel the tears forming in the corner of my eyes ...
i remember every single detail ... every single words he had spoken to me..
every single ting that happened..
why it had to turn out like this ?
reasons... reasons...
every single thing i do now reminds me of him..
every single place i went reminds me of him..
every songs remind me of him..
how can i forget bout it so easily if every single god dammit thing remind me of him?
the only solution that i can think of?
fly to overseas to study...
seriously.. im planning to do that..
if my marks are good enough..
i hope so..
hallowen is supposed to be fun but guess wat?
it's not fun for me..
it's full with memory..
full with sad memory..
i trusted you so much..
i had open up my heart for u..
but....
* sob*
cant stand the feeling anymore...
i hate hallowen & nov 1st..
* sob *
* tears *
*tears*

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Lies...

life is full of lies... Wtf..
hate the thought of knowing that i live in lies...
y would u lie to me ?
it's dam annoying that u could do this thing when u say another thing right in front of my face?
don't u think it's dam bullshit .. for what u did ?
u r making me not gona able to trust u anymore !!
i thought u were different but u know wat i realize ?
all of u guys r just the same... full of lies, bullshit ..
maybe i should jus ignore it..
pretend tat it did not happen ?
i jus realized today tat it's not easy open up ur heart for sum1..
it's easy to trust tat a person but sumtimes when u really trust tat person..
then it wont turn the way tat u want it to be.. life's is like tis..
i must start being a cold bitch..
not trusting anyone anymore...
jus screw it..
wtf.. so many things happen... but yet the effects are still affecting me..
mentally & oso physically..
=(
I hate the though of ppl lying to me..
& if u r not lying.. then y would u wana do that ?
wtf is all tis...

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The beginning,,

Woke up feeling so tired.. with a feeling of depressed...
I cant seem to get why i was feeling like that .. & it jus hit me that i found out sumting that hurt me alot the day before... sumting that really kills me... & the effect is still there !!
Got so depressed that i give adrian a called.. at bout 8sumting in the morning =P
I cried the whole nite.. woke up with puffy eyes .. & stomach pain.. ( i think it's cos i vomitted for 1hours ! seriously! i jus cant stop vomitting). Y is all thish shit happen to me all the time?
I know that i have adrian know.. he's good .. i admit he's beta than a lot of guys... but there's just sumting missing.. & i know what is it.. he's cos he cant make up his mind .. he have not make his final decision... i dun wan to settle for another heartbreak again.. seriously..
it's very painful & torturing... Maybe i think too much..
Should i jus let it go with the flow?
Should i just go through with it?
Nobody can predict the future rite?
Im glad that he(not kc!) really cares for me... he does in a way..
but maybe it's jus too soon to erm.. confide in alot of stuff...
Back to the day... He ask for mc today.. which means he's not working.. which means that he's free to go out wif me ! =)
went to see a doctor in 1u.. i was having really stomach pain..
then he pick me up from 1u..went to his fren shop in sunway mas..
i ate dam alot yesterday... i broke my not eating 3 meals a day !! stupid adrian!! force me to eat !!
we had bak kut teh for lunch... is drinking the soup and eating few pieces of erm, i think it's called "yar chao guai".. im not sure.. the fried tingy that u have to dip it inside the soup ... FAT dy !!! after that, guess where we went? went back to his condo to meet his parents..
dam freaky man !! seriously.. dam akward... i was feeling so scared !
went to puchong to see furniture with his whole family... was there for like 2 hour plus..
after deciding wat furniture to buy, we went to eat dinner...
another meal again !! oh god !!! i feel so fat man !!!
and it's after 8 !! oh man.. i dun eat after 8.. i only do tat once in a while... oh shit...
went 1u after that to meet joanne & her bf... she was screaming with joy because she got a pics taken with daniel.. the malaysian idol guy... she's so cute when she did her screaming ting... =P i went home bout 10 plus.. cos i have to go to my cousins hse...
we went to espanda for hallowen party... sorry sherve.. supposed to meet her up in zouk.. but my cousins dun wan ...
still thinkin bout him =(

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The end...

U alwis feel happier when u watch the ending of a movie rite..
But i dun think so..
i felt that ending is the worst part in our lives.
im not sure how i feel rite now..
sad?yes...definitely..
depressed? yeaps...
moody? yeaa..
piss? yessss...
So it ends up to different emotions...
I jus found out sumting tat realy hurts me alot.. dam hurt..
as if u r using a knife to cut urself...
painful.. but yet u can erase the hurt from ur heart & brain & memory....
wtf is all tis... i seriously cant believe it..
i nv thought he was tat kind of person...
f*** coward, loser...
im not saying tis cos i wan revenge... im not..
but all im trying to say is tat y is all tis shit happening to me..
i cant stop going to endless party... even though i know it wont do any good to ur bosy or emotion... but i have to..
i have to forget my pain..
my ever lasting pain... the pain is so painful tat i can feel it all the time..
Ending to me is never good... i prefer beginning..
becos beginning is alwis the part of ur life tat everyting goes smoothly...

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Hangover....

i hate hangovers !! seriously ...!!
i went club yesterday nite.. was feeling so moody... cos it was my anniversary...
but kc din even give a dam bout it..
reach bout 11 plus...
keep on drinking the alcohol.. i din even mix the alcohol drink with a lot of soft drinks...
i think i drank more than duno how many cups...
got so drunk =/
How u behave when u drunk? =P
- cant walk straight...
- insist that u r alrite... tat u r not drunk..
- Cant stand straight/ still..
- keep falling down.. /imbalance..
- face got so hot..

OMG ... drunk is not a good feeling..
cos i felt so terrible the next day...
even the day bfore tat i felt terrible...
i vomitted non-stop... & there r times tat i felt like vomitting but i cant...
& the worst part is? i cant remember wat had happened...
i had vomiitted on adrian's shoe & shirt.. * sorry adrian *
Aaron was taking care of me the whole nite ... * thanxx aaron*
sorri to all the ppl i had cause trouble to...
thanx 4 taking ggod care of me...
oh .. & i remember sumting..
i din take out my heels when i slept over in adrian's ...
& he had to take out for me.. LOL ...
hangover is bad !! nv will get drunk anymore...
i hope so.. =P

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Numb.....

Ever had the feeling that everyting doesnt matter to u anymore?
U don't give a shit about what's happening around u?
All u seem to care about is that u can graduate & get through with ur life...
Well, that's how i feel right now..
All i feel when i woke up is tired... that's all..
No feeling of happiness, love or whatever bullshit..
All i feel is emptiness..
The food are tasteless..
Im eating more junk foods..
I don't even care that im getting fatter & my skin is breaking out..
Im jus eating because it's part of survival..
I'm studying & doing my assignments because it's part of the step to graduate..
I'm walking in daze everyday...
I don't seem like a emo person to my frens..
Because all the sympathy wont make my probs go away..
Im not alright.. ok ...fine.. or wateva..
Get along with it..
I don't know that y im still hanging on to it..
I think it's cause that im not satisfied with y is this happening..
I don't even know the real reasons behind all this..
At least give me a reasons..
So i know...
It will be more fair to me ..
I'm just feeling numb right now..
Im going through my life emotionless..
Im just doing whatever it takes so that my life can go on...

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should i or should i not?...

so much stuff tat's happening but yet so little time to find solutions to all these problems..
should i let it go or should i not?
i dun even know whether letting it go it's the right thing to do right now...
I dun even wana let it go.. but im not sure where i stand right now...
i can tolerate with anything .. but y cant he try to understand that?
i try calling him & even msg him but he dun even bother replying me or calling me back..
y is he alwis like tat? since the beginning, he say he will change... he will never be like now..
but i guess they are all lies huh ...
I dun even know wats the problem that causes us to be like tis...
y cant we talk it over instead of bcuming like tis?
i jus wan us to settle everyting again .... & everyting will be back to normal...
but i guess that's hard to achieve it rite ??
im feeling so confused...
i dunwan to end it.. i really dun..
corny ..but i dun think anyone is beta than him...
seriously...
i know luv cums & go... but it's not for me right now...
i wana talk things over wif him.. but how?
he dun even pick up his freaking phone..
i dunwan to involve his good fren..
everytime we fight, we alwis involve his good fren ..
we alwis relay him to help us settle everyting..
im feeling so bad that i alwis have to ask jason for help
but i guess i have to ask for his help again...
can talk things over settle it ?
* sigh*

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more than words...

went to mid valley today.. skip my international business class to go mid * naughty* i know.. & i even skip my maths class to go breakfast wif my frens... feelin so guilty ... damm.. din get anything in mv .. im kinda broke =/
was listening to frankie J, more than words... fall in luv with that song ...
his lyrics really makes me wonder about alot of things..
more than words... sometimes u dun have to say alot of things to describe how u feel.. u dun have to say " i luv u" to that special sum1 because u both know it & that's enough.. so y do i have to say millions of sentences & words to him ? when we both understand how is it like? y?
do words really that important? dun u think actions speak louder than words? i had done so many stuff & yet i still need to say it in words? isnt it unnecessary? i think its unnecessary...
i had to express myself in alot of ways but yet he still dun get it..
oh dam.. i dun even know what am i toking bout ..
well, excuse my lil post...

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Changes

changes in life... this is what everyone goes through every dayin their lives...
I been through millions of changes in my life & yet the changes still going on..
Are changes good or bad?
I been thinking bout the changes in my life or to be more specific...
what i wana change bout my life...

I have decided a few changes that i would wana do...

I wana get a new hairstyle to forget the past.. any suggestion?
I wana change my lifestyle... try to be more serious in my studies or try to change into a party girl where i party every weekends..
change my dressing style...

Well, i all want is changes so that i can forget the past..
i been thinkin of getting a tattoo cos tat person HATE tattoo..
i already got a new hp... it's a beginning of my new life..
now all i want is a new hairstyle...
new clothes or wateva...

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Alcohol.. ciggs.. drugss

i dun seem to understand the effects of alcohol, furgs & cigss.. y would anyone ever try drugss & y would anyone wana smoke & drink so much... now i understand.. to forget the pain.. sounds stupid.. ? yes.. these 3 are everyone's enemy.. they wont do any wonder to our emotions for the rest of ourlife.. but it does help for one day.. so y not take it? whateva method that can help us forget pain then it's ok.. even though u know the consequences are bad... u might regret it.. but dun u ever wonder how izit.. what's the feeling of consuming alcohol, taking rugs & oso fagging... yes, i do wonder.. im already addicted to alcohol... drugs & ciggs? nope.. but would like to try.. seriously.. im being so stupid for even thinking bout all this rite.. since last time, im alwis insulting & discriminating those ppl take take drugs & now i wana try?? oh god.. i dun even know wat am i thinking anymore... i guess it's time to change to a different lifestlye... different hair-cut, different person.. If i have the chance to try it, yes i will...

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hectic, tired...

woke up at 8am today.. cos debbie say she's gona fetch me & mich at 10.. but change of plans at the end.. she only manage to pick us up at bout 12 plus.. went to mcD for breakfast wif mich at bout 11 plus, i think.. cos both of us were feelin so hungry & we feel like eating mcD.. had apple pie ..yummmm... =) Adrian came to meet me & mich at mcD... we only manage to reach kl at bout 1-2plus... sg wang was so pack... cant really shop.. !! damm !! was so looking forward to buy new clothes for college & for going clubbing =) My mood was spoilt when kah choon told me sumting... wasn't intended to call him.. but rae wana know how to differenship a second-hand hp or real phone.. call his shop cos i know he wont pick up his phone.. WTF man.. how can he ever say tat? .. wateva.. got a brand new hp.. Nokia 6620... =) happy in a way.. but yet sad in another way... Screw everyting.. i need alcohol...

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not my day

Oh god.. law test today was so freakin hard... cant even do... shit.. im so scared that im gona fail my test... arghh !!! my lecturer, ms. kristin is crazy !!! alwis giving us such hard law test... arghh... .. & i drop my samsung hp.. & guess wat.. d screen totally blank.. cant even read msg or go to the menu.. but ppl can call in.. & kc jus send the phone to repair.. oh shit... im so screw.. & i guess im going down kl to repair my hp.. erm, hopefully is cheap? arghh... dammm... today is jus not my day !!

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My Women...

To all my women...
Rae.. Joanne... Alexiss.. Debbie... Wei Ling.. Elaine... SherVe... Wen Ni...Leroy ( well, u r one of my bestest fren.so... =P )and everyone who knows me...
Thanxx 4 being dere for me throughout the day.. anytime of the day...
& Rae... yea, u r mention ere !! =)

Reasons im grateful about u..
Rae: for alwis listen to my whine, complain & of cos givin me advice... & alwis making me do the rite thing... even though i dun.. hahaa
Joanne: For listening to my whine, helping me gather together when im feeling down.. Remember the times when i would cum to class crying & also account paper finals? well, thanxx... Another shopping freak like me.. & guess wat? im glad tat u go for bargain... like me..
Alexiss: Partners in crime.. LOL... Thanx for listen to my whinee... =)
Debbie: Heart to heart talk... tellin me what's right and what's wrong... =)
Wei Ling: skipping class for me ... *winkz* Remember tat day.. where u pack ur lunch inside the car.. *winkz* thanx babee...
Elaine: my high school mate.. thanx babe for being dere for me mentally =) & of cos thanx for lending me ur clothes.. well, wat do u expect when u have millions of clothes.. =) Hang in dere babe k? =)
SherVe: my crazy fren.. alwis put a smile on everyone's face especially mine wif jokes... =)
Wen Ni: how could i forget u rite... been there for me since form2 until now.. my shopping partner.. partners in crime... my lesbo partners.. hahaa.. neway, thanx for alwis dere for me when i needed u.. & for the great advice even though i dun alwis take it... =P Gona miss u when u goin overseas to study... i cant whine dy... miss u babeee....
Leroy: thanx for alwis listen to me.. let me 'merajuk' in front of u.. letting me cry in front of u... & alwis asking me to chill.. thanxxx cupcake.. *hugss* trance guy? hmm.. suprised... LOL

& oso to everyone who i have not mentioned.. thanxx for being my fren.. if i ever did anything wrong to u guyss.. so sorriii..

LUV U GUYSSS SO MUCHH...
* HUgsssSSS *

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My biatches...

My two best biatches...
Joanne and wen ni..
Thanx for alwis dere for me through thick and thin..
Alwis listen to my whine and complain ...
Alwiz up for a last min shopping trip to cure my sadness...
Alwis help me settle my relationships, studies etc etc...
Alwis giving me good advice even if im too stubborn to take it...
Luv u guyss so muchh...
Hugsss & kisseesss....

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Dedicate this post to Elainee..

Elaine...
U know they say:
lifes go on no matter wat...
Time will heal ur wound..
U can bounce back to urself in maybe a week later...
Well, i think that some of it are bullshit.. yes, it's true.. i dun deny all this statement.. it's jus that even though time does heal ur wound but u will have a scar inside ur heart no matter what.. and it will be hard to fall in love again and open up ur heart to ppl.. cos once bitten twice shy... Rite..
No matter what...
U have ur frens wif u..u have me... even though im quite a bad fren lately *sorrriii* supporting u throughout ur life..
I cant say that what im going through is much more worse than u because i jus realized t hat we cant compare each other's love lives or wateva izit call..
everyone have their own depression moment... i have mine.. & im still having it..
It really makes me wonder... can ciggs, alcohol and drugs cure all the pain...
Babeee.. dun smoke so much k...
* hugsss & kissess *
Luv yaaa....
*huggieee*

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falling into pieces...

Don't u guys realize that i seem happier and less depressed? or i no longer bug u bout my probs wif him anymore? If u really think that im actually that happy, then we go ahead & think bout that.. but i know some of you guys understands that behind this face of mine is actually fake. it's all part of an act that conceal my real feelings.. It's like a concealer u bought from a make-up counter.. u use it conceal ur scars, acnes, dark circles, bags or wateva... in my case, im jus using it to conceal my feelings.. I know it's stupid to always think about that when he's not even feeling a bit sad about it.. I guess he won't even know that my hear is falling into pieces cos of this...
My life is falling into pieces...
I seem to be growing fatter & fatter..
My skins is getting worse.. Acnes, dry skin, bags, dark circle..
My hair sux..
My parents are controlling me more..
My body seems to react the opposite direction..
But i guess like wat elaine said..
I seem to be study more... cos i wana get out of malaysia..
I seriously do.. cant stand all the shit that happens ere..
too many memoriess...

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Missing Him

Oh god.. im quite flattered that there tis chinese mix thai guy and an indian mix chinese guy that are interested in me.. seriously i do.. im flattered.. but i miss my bf more... & he has not been calling me for like few days... im so worried bout him.. I hope that's nothing happen to him.. im not cursing him or wat.. seriously.. im jus dam worried bout him... Eventhough there are guys tat are interested in me but all i wan is my bf.. cant believe that i say that? well, believe it =) Im jus hoping that things between us will be beta again... things had been quite tense between us.. i duno y..i guess it's the time of the month.. the time where we will have our big fight... =( I miss him so muchh... damm... im jus gona concentrate on my exams 1st.. & pray that things will be ok again between us... =/

Misss u so much darliinggg....

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ShoppinG Day !!

Went 1u after class today with joanne... Met up wif Adrian in 1u.. had our lucnh in fish&co... Yummm.... had Chips! Chips! Chips! =) Joanne's food came late.. then she jokingly complain to the waiter whether she got get any free food or is her portion bigger.. Joker lar she.. And u know wat.. the waiter actually gave us a basket of fries for free !!! But we din finish it cos we were too full.. it was fun !! we joke around with each other & crap alot... telling ghost story & funny jokes... =) went shopping today !! walk all the shops... bought pink halter from tis new shop called pussycat.. it was dam cheap.. the top is RM29 only.. cheap ritee.. =) & me & joanne bought a white mini skirt for 25 buck... it was actually 30 buck for one skirt.. but she actually bargain with the cashier... & he willingly give us =) Yipppeeee.... so happy.. The only thing tat can trigger my mood is tat kc is still ignoring me... WTF is tis man.. & adrian ask me to go Q-bar tonight.. is he crazy.. im so dead tired.. & i have maths test tmw... He dun seem to understand... haihzzz... how am i gona turn him down ... WTf ...

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Responsibilities....

It seems tat everyone is afraid of the word, RESPONSIBILITIES..
I cant seem to understand wat's so scary bout tis word..
yes, its a huge step.. but everyone have to has tis as they grew older...
no one can escape from this.. the only way to escape from tis is when u r dead..
y cant he be more responsible for his actions?
he's 20 years old.. for god sakes..
All i need is from him to be more responsible..seriously.. tats all..
The only thing i need from him is pick up his phone when i call, be there for me when i needed him to at times like now...
but u know wat? he cant..
sumtimes i wonder if i made the right decision of getting together back with him..
If loving him is so dam hard, i rather choose to love him in my memory...
Y would he make promises tat he cant keep? Y ?
Are all guys like tis?
im seriously getting very tired of all this thing..
i really wana make everyone happy.. i really do..
but maybe making everyone happy isnt wat im good at..
it's getting very suffocating for me.. because im trying to make everyone happy
& i know ppl are taking advantage of me cos of this..
but i dun care.. i really dun... i jus want everyone to be happy..
Y cant my bf try to make me happy for once?
Y cant he be dere for me when i needed him to?
I know im alwis complaining bout him.. but deep down inside...i think wat i did was worth it..
stupid of me for thinking tat rite? but....
I jus want everyting to be alrite again.. u know wat i mean..
after flirting wif so many guys, i realize tat i dun even care for them.. i dun even give a shit bout dem..
All i care bout is him.. ONLY HIM...
But i guess what u did to other people will reflect back on u..
i guess tis is my punishment of treating him like shit at 1st..
but i din actually kiss any guys behind his back.
it was jus a harmless flirt... honestly..
i even told him bout the guys k...
wtf is all this...

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Emotions...

having my depression feelings again..
Can't seem to understand a few things...

Y life's a bitch?
Y does life alwis don't turn out the way u want it to be?
Y guys are bastards(no offense to the guys out dere)?

I dun seem to get the grip tat life's always a bitch.. i guess it's because everyting is going wrong..
My marks/grades for all subjects drop...
Having frens problem... two-faced frens & betrayal..
Fighting wif parents... i cant understand y they r being so paronoid..
Relationship problem..

I can solve the marks problem.. all i have to do is work hard& i will but jus not now.. my mind is blinded/full with emotion right now.. depressed & pain..
I know most of my close frens ( u guys know who u r & i luv u guys for putting up wif me) are getting bored & tired of my same old problem...
But i jus cant find a solution to it.. i dun wan to be bothering my frens wif the same old problem all the time either...
& wen, i dun wan to do wat u have suggested.. u know i cant do tat...
im complaining all the time but i jus want the best out of it...
is it tat hard? wtf is all tis..
izit cos im bad to ppl ?i dun even wana think bout all tis without the emo cuming out.. It's suffocating me.. honestly..
sometimes im feelin so tired.. cos i have to weigh myself wif all this shit..
There are times tat maybe i should just end it once and for all..
But i know i cant.. no matter wat happens or how it happens or why it happens..
i will always go back .. go back for the same black hole..
Izit tat hard to HOPE tat life will go ur way?
Life will turn out the way u want?
Will life turn my way if im:
Prettier?
Smarter?
Slimmer?
Maybe if im smarter,prettier & slimmer then life would turn the way i want it to be..
I know it's dumb for saying tis but life doesn't always turn the way u want..
But it's been like shit for the past few weeks..
easier to jus say wateva..but u know wat..
sometimes its easier to say but when u actually need to do it, it's very hard..
or maybe jus cos of me..

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OMG !!!!

jus found out tat i cant go to wen's party... 50 % chance of not going.. cos my parents decided to go back ipoh .. of all days ... WTH !! damm piss now... pig out jus now cos i was feelin so dam piss... arghh !! feelin more piss cos i ate alot & i feel fatter !! WTF !!
I will think of a way to go... i always does...
i must get wat i want =)
I dun give a shit !!

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College mates...

A bunch of my closest college mates.. luv u guys so much.. thanx 4 putting up my whine, merajuking & terrible mood swings... LOl ... Hugsss...

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What a Day ...

woke up late today... kinda rush to go class today.. as usual i reach class on the dot .. =) Went to find kc during my break... i skip families class again.. i guess it's the 5th time ... damm !! cos we could not reach back to college in time & im kinda lazy to go for the last period of class... which is from 2.15-3.30 ... dam tiring man !! so in d end, i decided to skip families... hahaa... hopefully, i can get the warning letter from the post before my parents took it.. =/ all wells ends well... it turn out that kc wasnt angry at me.. he jus lost his hp.. haihz... make me waste my time go dere.. i loan him one of my hp ... went back after tat... so tired... & i put on weight !!! dam !! supposed to diet for wen's party... 2 more days till wen's party !!! wheeeeee..... =)

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Luck...

went to curve today with joanne & alexiss after college... quite bored.. legs hurting... send a sorry msg to kc today.. he din reply as expected... i give him a call jus now at bout 7.35.. he did pick up but he din say anyting.. or maybe its not him... but the point is someone pick up.. close down after he din say anyting... call back but he din pick up dy... =( Neway, gona go his shop tmw & settle everything.. hopefully it will be ok again.. wish me luck.. going to wen's hse now...

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Tears....

Too much tears had been shed for the past few months..
Call me cry baby, childish or emo if u wan..
but i jus cant help it..
when u r feeling the way im feelings, u would ...
Some say it's jus small matters but u wont understand..
When it happens to u, then u would not say tat...
Or maybe im jus too negative..
I cant seem to stay positive...
Im getting more and more negative every day... Seriously...
I duno whether izit bad or jus a part of human cycle...
i can feel tears at the corner of my eyes now...
Dam.. !!! My blogs are getting more and more depressed...
sori..cant help it...
no one cant help me settle this things...
I felt that my tears had been used up...
There are no more tears for me to shed but yet my emotionally and mentally, i can feel the tears
& the pain...
the pain of as if u are losing ur half...
exxagerating ?? ....
im not sure whether im in a good state to say all this...
If tears are included in love, then wat's so magical bout love?
I cant stand the thought of my tears coming out again...
I feel like crying but i cant..
my tears dun seem to be coming out from my eyes...
maybe like wat i say..
my tears are all dried up...
i seriously need a good cry..
is there anywhere that i can make myself cry ?
i tried watchin a walk to remember and all the others sad movies
but.... it doesn't help...
Tears are ur worst enemies...

If only things would be better again....
If only everything will return to normal...
If only i could turn back times to where all the happy moments are....

but its impossible...
Oh god... i need to cry my heart out in order to feel better....
i do...

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Never Had A Dream Come True...

Everybody's got something, they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah

Somewhere in my memory, I've lost all sense of time A
nd tommorow can never be 'cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will,
you know you will, oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
It's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye, no, no, no, no

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah

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Love ...

What is love? Love is a mutual feelings between two person.. It may seem like it so wonderful but in the real world, love is not as magical and wonderful as it seems.. Trust me !! i know it...
There are times when love causes heartache, endless sleepless night, cranky and feelin so negative bout everyting...

Y does loving someone be so hard ?
Y does falling in love seem so magical at 1st but turns sour at the end?
Y falling in love can cause so much pain?

Since young, i thought falling in love is something magical, wonderful...
Yes, it is wonderful.. at the beginning... but when it reach the climax or the end, it does not turns out the way u want...
Y is tat so? No one can escape from this feelings...
Stupid ? yes.. but it is part of our human cycle...
Love is causing everyone pain, heartache, sadness, negative aura,... etc etc...

If i know loving someone is so hard , then i choose not to fall in luv...
But if i dun fall in love, then i won't know the feeling of fallin in luv where ur smiles eems brighter, ur complexion seems clearer, ur cheeks seem pinkier...
I guess falling in love is good if u found the perfect partner...


Love is patient,
Love is not selfish,
Love is something that makes us stronger and yet can makes ur weaker,
Love is wonderful,
Love is around us...

So tell me what is love to you ... ??

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problems...

I just clear things off with that guy... & i don't know whether should i feel relieve or sad .. i guess its the best thing to do but my bf is still acting like an asshole... keep call him but he din pick up.. dam freakin piss but haihz.. i guess its normal for his behviour... but i jus hope he can pick up his bloody phone... so that i can call him & talk things through with him.. feelin so moody ... i think im gona fail my maths test today.. din study & i dun even have the mood to do it.. im like screw it lar... whoever say that a relationship doesn't influence ur mood or studies .. well, think again..
It does... !!!

Y loving a person have to be so hard... ?
y cant love be simple ?
If loving a person is so hard, i would rather don't fall in love with him..
Im not regretting that im with him but all i ask for is a simple change..
Pick up my phone when i call.. & dun alwis take me for granted...
Is tat so hard to do it ??
if i can, y cant u ??
This problem is always in my mind ...
cant find a solution for this...
I know im alwis complaining... but....
my whole week spoilt cos of this thing ...
seriously...
aaarrggghhhh ....!!!
I hope by 2nite everyting turns out well...
if not, i will jus have to continue feelin like tis... which i dun wan..
ARGHHHH .....

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If & sorry ....

The word if and sorry.. it seems like a simple word but when the word actually aimed at u.. thn u would know how poisonous these words are.. when sumone made a mistake and jus say sorry to u ... does it make any difference at all ? yes, it does makes u feel beta cos u know tat u r still in tat person's heart but if sorry can make everyting alrite again, then the world would be a place tat has no stress & everyone live happily ever after.. i know im bein ironic but... the word if.. when sumone says if i know tis would happen i would not do tis... cum on, get a grip !! how would u know tis ting would happen ? it's not like u can predict future.. if u can, then u would not be makin any mistakes..like now.. i know people made mistakes.. bla bla.. but as long as u realized it then it's ok.. but he doesn't.. all he ever did was saying sorry & if... im sick of these two words.. let me give u a situation.. try to visualize tis.. u r drinking one nite.. & u r speedin like hell ... u bang into sumone cos ur mind is not stable... so wat do u say to the police officers?'sorry tat u bang into the person' ? & u think u can escape from the crime u did ? if u think u can escaped from it so easily, then wats the use of police officers & laws in our country.. ?? oh god.. im getting more & more depressed .. dam... need 2 do sum yoga =)

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Decisions....

Another monday blues... feelin so bloated.. hate my body.. feel dam fat... feeling so freakin moody tat i can chew a person's head off... feel like goin out yum cha wif my frens but a lot of assignment...

I have decided....
I have made up my mind....
I have find the solution to my prob...

but....
i duno whether i have made the right decision..
i know its not right to cheat on ur bf or have an affair behind his back...
& im not doin it anymore... im clearing things on wif that guy..
BUT... i duno.. i feel that he is taking me for granted...
We been 2gether for like years if u minus the break-ups =P ...
There are times i dun appreciate him but overall i do appreciate him...
But... the but word again..
I feel so hurt at times.. the way he treating me..
as if im like a freakin doll..
if he wans me,then he will call me or find me..
if he dun, then i will be put aside.. collecting dust..
He can have his own frens.. i dun mind.. because i have my own as well..
When i have decided tat it is better to stick back to my old relationship, then probs arises..
He's not picking up my call again.. which is quite often.. so im used to it..
He's having his mood swings now...
do guys even have mood swings??

If only he be a better person...
If only he treats me better....
If only he dun takes me for granted...

but i know it wont happen... Y ??
Y do i alwis get lousy bfs ? when all my frens bfs are so dam sweet & romantic...
I guess i just have to keep sacrificing & pretend as if i duno anyting inorder to make this relationship work...
but im dam tired for alwis be the one sacrifice...
everytime he ask me to go out at nite wif him... i go even thoug i got assignments & im grounded...
Everytime he dun have cash, i borrow him.. yes,i do..cos i feel so cham for him..
im not counting who sacrifice more...
im jus saying tat if i can go out of way to do tis for him, y cant he ?
& he got all the freedom tat he needs... he got a car.. so transportation would be no prob for him..
but ....
haihzz... wateva.... im alwis depressed bout all this thing...
Nvm... cant wait for tis sat...
It's wen's Bday party .... =)

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Another Sunday...

My weekend was quite boring.. supposed to go out late at nite wif my frens to yum cha.. but in d end it doesnt turns out.. cos i got millions assignment tat im supposed to finish.. ARghh.. !! d lesson i learn? never leave ur assignments to the end.. but i manage to finish it on sun morning.. Oh.. i watch flight plan today wif wen... we had to sit 3rd row from the screen.. it was ok but this idiot behind us ovbiously had the idea of telling his date what happen at every scene... argh... spoilt my mood .. i was so tempted to turn around & ask him to keep quiet.. but i din.. obviously... im a civilized girl.. =P LOL... din buy anyting during the weekend.. oh wait, i did buy sumting.. a top from topshop.. freaking cheap.. RM 23... cheap rite ?? cant resist it ... =) Got into a fight with jason & kc... Was feelin so dam piss the whole nite... Both of them spoilt my day man... arghh... went to curve for dinner.. still feelin dam piss even though i know tat i can see my cute guy... my feet were hurting.. cos of this pumps tat i wore.. it's damm cute.. but it jus hurt my feet... Went to his his shop in curve... got my newspaper article from him.. he was quite busy tat time but i dun care.. i jus walk in & grab it & ciao... I guess my face must be so black & down tat he & every1 even th e customer notice it.. Dam 'pai seh' cos every1 was like askin me, "are u alright' ? "Wat happen?" ...wateva... but the best part was he fetch me go yum cha after tat... & d worst part? i cried in front of him.. i was feelin so down & emo at tat time.. seriously... He was dam shocked... wateva... Finally, manage to cal kc after callin him so many times... had a huge fight over the phone... He is so not understanding.. wateva.. close him down when my cute guy called me... Kc msg me tellin me he was so disappointed tat i could close him down when other guy call me.. wateva larr.. quite hurt at his actions... *sigh*

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