A super super long post...

I was feeling kinda down 2day.. So i read tis really touching book again.. i read it more than 3 times i think .. And there's one part that kinda reflect what i feels right now...

Holy was walking through an entire field of pretty tiger lillies; the wind was blowing gently, causing the silly petals to tickle the tips of her fingers as she pushed through the long strands of bright green grass. The ground felt soft and bouncy beneath her bare feet, and her body felt so light she almost seemed to be floating just above the surface of the spongy earth. All around her birds whistled their happy tune as they went about their business. The sun was so bright in the cloudless sky she had to shield her eyes, and with each brush of wind that passed her face, the sweet scent of the tiger lilies filled her nostrils. She felt so... happy, so free. A feeling that was alien to her her these days.
Suddenly, the sky darkened as her Carribean sun disappeared behind a looming gray cloud. The wind picked up and the air chilled. Around her all the petals of her tiger lilies were racing through the air wildly, blurring her vision. The once spongy ground was replaced with sharp-pebbled stones that cut and scraped her feet with every step. The birds had stopped singing and instead perched on their branches and stared. Something was wrong. Ahead of her in the distance a gray stone was visible amid the tall grass. She wanted to run back to her pretty flowers, but she needed to find out what was ahead.

I went to Taylors today to sell my books.. I only managed to sell two books.. And i realized that i sold it for kinda cheap.. damm !!but whatever.. not good to take advantage of people...
Went to pyramid with deb and harmeet.. Have lunch in Nando.. Their faces were so funny.. cos the chicken were too spicy for their taste... Tears starting forming in their eyes..
Deb look like she just cried..
The girls were trying to cheer me up today but kinda failed..
U know larr.. when im really in a emo mood, nothing can cheer me up..
even goin to club & drinking..
but thanx for trying tho!! *luv u babess*
Oh thanx for humoring me by sampling all the cookies... =)
Sorry..couldnt spend more time with u guyss ..... =/
catch up again k ??

Had a long talk with deb and harmeet today...
talk bout uni, our hols plan, study plans & relationship..
Deb & her bf, Adrian got back together.. im so happy for u guys.. ! =)


" The grass is always greener on the other side.. It will never seem to be greener on the side you are now with or on "
Deb said that to me and no doubt i agree with her.. i do but sometimes it's hard... i alwis think bout the meaning of that quote..
I tried so hard not to do any sins stuff ...
But what do i get in return? even "sinner" stuff happens to me..

I tried not to talk/ gossip bad stuff bout people..
Because i think it's unhealthy and it's theri own life anyway..
I tried not to cheat on my bf..
because the same thing will happen to u sooner or later..it may not b a 1 day thing.. i may be a 2 year ting..
I tried to do more good deeds..(e.g. donate to any1 that ask for donations if i have the cash)
Because tho u can't help every single person but u r glad to help those that needed it& that approach u..
I tried not to merajuk/whine more..
Because u may think it's cute but others might find it annoying to them& u cant get what u want by doin so.. so y bother to do that?

I did all those that i mention.. i do.. but yet.. *sighs*
i feel bad bout complaining the same probs all the time..
But...
*sighs*
I feel bad to alwis ma fan Jason... (sorrrii Jason)
But...
All questions left unanswered... unattended...
Every single frigging thing is a BIG question mark to me..
All seem so alien to me but yet a part of it is expected ..
I tried so many ways so that my questions r all answered but...
I failed to do so..
I feel so failure right now..
Yes, i do..
I can help any1 but myself..
*huh?*
I think im more of a giver than taker.. i read this article bout being more of a giver than a taker.. & the consequences.
I did a quiz on ' R u a Giver or a Taker?'
and guess what the results r.. yes, if u duno..
im a giver..
I felt kinda pressure sometimes.. cos i hv to pleased every single person.. it makes me so fake at times that i think i had lost my real identity/personality..
dun get me wrong.im stil the same old wei san or kathryn..but it's jus that i duno who r the real me anymore..
some wil jus say im the merajuk wan.. the baby wan..
but that r jus the results of pleasing every1 too much..

I have to get back my personality..
How?that will b another prob..
Can i stop pleasing every1 jus by a snap of finger?
Can i jus ignore every single thing?
Right now, im not sure i can..
This is how whiny,desperate&dependent i had bcum..
I hate myself for being like tat..
i know some of my frens find it annoying as well.
they r jus being nice by not stating it..
Oh god.. i jus realized that i written a super long post..
that im sure it's gona bored the hell of any1 who read tis..
ahh..well..

ps: im sorri if im clingy, annoying to any1... millions of sorrie..