♀ Kathryn Soo ♥: 2005

Hong Kong

I jus came back from Hong Kong...Love it.. Plan to go back there again with my frens!! .. Spend all the Hong Kong cash my mum changed .. =/ Bought so much nonsense stuff =P My mum lecture me when i said i want the things but the best part is she did get it for me.. So i jus had to block out her lecture for awhile & i get the stuff i want.. Get to know lots of friends in Hong Kong ..Im glad that i know how to speak& listen to cantonese !! =)

Thanxxx

I managed to bug one of my fren to do the link tingy for me... Ian, thanxxx so much.. i owe u man.. =) He helped me to link all my frens blogs... & he even ask me whether wana have tag box anot.. obviously i jump at that idea... Thanxxxx ian... =) If i can get into monash, c u nxt yr k ?? Havoc again.. =P

My Christmas List !! =)

Everyone of my friends have christmas list, so of course i should have one as well right =)

My Christmas List:
1. Nokia 6111 (im greedy ! ;p )
2. An ipod
3. An Aldo bag (any will do. im easily satisfied =] )
4. A pair of heels from Nine West
5. Gucci 2 perfumes =)

I guess that's all for my chirstmas list.. will add to it when i think of any..
*hint* the first and the second are my priority.. Lolz =)

Hate It !!

i hate it !!
I hate feelings this way!!
I seriously hate it !!
Y must he alwis do tat?
Y?
I hate it!!
I really do!!
My frens said, wah, he do tat again arr? when i told them how i feel..
Wat's my feelings now!
Im supposed to be cheerful as Christmas is around the corner and im going Hong Kong soon but i can't..
I really cant..
I went 1u today but nothing seems to interest me..
Shoes? nah, too ugly..
Clothes ? nah...
I hate it !!
I hate it that he can make my emotions goes down..
I hate it that my emotions are controlled by him..
I hate it!!
I try not to..
But i guess i feel that im leaving Malaysia soon and i want to spend more of my time with him and my babess..
But he don't seem to realized that the soon is approaching fast!!
He think its years away..
Well, guess what??
It's not ok !!!
I hate him !!!
Maybe i should just act dun care dun care huh ??
I hate it !!
I hate him!
I hate the way im feeling now!!
* stamp my feet on the floor *
* stamp it really hard!*
* on the phone with jason now, ranting my anger!!*
*scolding that bastard*

Im Back !!!

It's been a while since i last blog..
I've been home sick since last wed..
How pathethic and depressed =(
It all started last tues when i shared earthquake ice-cream with a fren of mine..
She was sick and she choose not to tell us that she's sick.
I only knew that she was sick after we had all finished up the ice-cream..
Because of that i had to attend my graduatition with swollen eye, pale face & messy hair..
I HATE HER!! =(
There's nothing much i can do except sleeping at home..
My agenda for the past few days?
Wake up, eat & take my medicine, sleep, wake up, eat & have my medicine..
I hate when im sick..
I din go shopping for so long i feel like the shops are calling me !!
After so long, i had recovered. Well, not fully but most of the yucky sickness had gone..
Gone with the wind ;P
To celebrate that i had recovered, mummy pay for my hair treatment today.. WhEEeee ;)
I get to pamper myself.. Stylist massaging me, washing my hair.. Wheeee =)
I LOVE BEING A GIRL !!
Im going shopping tmw !!
I have to!!
=)
Im materialistic.. but so what..
i've had sick for so many days..
I deserve it =D
* grins *
* smile*

Emotions...

Life is full with emotions..
Maybe to most people im super emo..
So wat.. Sue me ... im emo..
Me, Jason, Pang, & Alexiss were dam emo on sat morning..
The first thing we said to each other is, " i miss shern lar"
And yea, we do.. i know i do..
When i told Adrian that i miss shern, he was like Aiyo, there's ntohing you can do wan lar... he go there study wert.. wat to do.. if u all miss him, then go visit him larr..
Some just don't understand..
Im not being erm, unrealistic, shallow or whatever u guys want to think about me..
It's just that after so long hanging out with him.. gossipping.. advice.. skipping class together.. talking in the class for the whole period without listening to the lecturer..
You will feel that, "oh god, i cant do any of those with him anymore"
I cant emo in front of him anymore..
I cant ask for his advice anymore..
I cant copy his answers anymore..
No more wtf dei ..
*sobs*
No more emo talk.. no more being bimbo in front of him..
No more cupcake anymore..
Sometimes lifes is like that..
You can't expect it to be the way you want..
You can't sacrifice other people needs for your own sake..
Because that's not how it is..
Life is all about give and take..
You can't take and not giving..
And the same for the other way round..
No matter how much all of us want Shern to stay in Malaysia... but we cant hold him back..
=)
He will alwis be Leroy a.k.a Shern Shern a.k.a my cupcake a.k.a "boxer guy" ;p
And you will be inside each of our heart forever.. im not sure boutothers but i know you will always be the best fren i ever have in college..
cos u r true to urself.. not like some backstabbers... two faced..
* hugss *

Farewell...

The day finally came..
It seems that it was only yesterday that Leroy was talking about going to Canada...
Went to his Farewell Party yesterday... * sobs*
As usual, everyone was late.. " Malaysian time lar"
wat do u expect huh ? ;p
Me & Rae was helping him out defrosting the sausage .. Lolz..
sorry for not making enough potato salad, leroy... sorriiii... but it was good huh ? Admit it !! Faster !! =P * ngeks*
Ppl only arrived at after 8...
He was like, "very early ah u guys"
The food was good.. the drink was so-so larr..
But i dont think anyone would have really care for food lar..
Leroy is leaving lar.. y wana care about food at that moment..
The funnist part? the guys were pushed inside the pool..
Wat makes me laugh until my stomach aches is when one of the guys pushed another guy.. then the guy that pushed the guy fell inside the pool as well..
Joker larr..
I left early..have to go to airport.. i shouldnt have left early..
Was dam emo when i left...
* sob*
*sob*
Me & Rae so wanted to cry.. but haihzz...
dun wan larr.. later everyone more emo..

Happy Girl...

im happy !! *jumping around with joys*
I cant believe how fast my moodc changes..
Went 1u this morning ...
A/X, FCUK, Tommy Hilfigher is on sale...
Go crazy inside...
Bought 5 tops from FCUK... 2 tops from A/x..
Wanted to buy more.. but when i open my purse..
I saw that i only left back RM30 * sobs*
Nvm.. im going back again next day..
Hopefully they stil have size..
Saw this really cute bag from A/X & Tommy Hilfigher...
It's cheap oso.
Im not describing how the bag look like cos if i describe it then u guys will fall in luv with the bag as well..
Definitely No-No ;P
hahaaa... Lolzz...
Im happy!!!! =)
Who needs guys when there are sales around.. LolZ =)

Relationships

It's easy to fall in love but it's hard to maintain a relationship.
It has differences in point of view. Thus, it heat up arguement between both spouses.
Someone got to start a conversation.
Memories lies upon the time together and nothing could really last forever in life.
To love someone in life is magical but to lose someone it's hurting.
Love is a journey that could be a ride that gives thousands of expression and thoughts.
After all, all we need is love, don't we?
Loyal, optimistic, virgin, endurance...

Someone said that to me...

.............

wtf ...
everyting doesn't turns out the way i want..

1) My F*** bf break promise..
2) No transport to go Zouk..
3) My skins is horrible
4) My hair doesn't behave the way i want..

Sometimes i really wonder am i being dumb for loving him so much?
I really don't know
Some say i am..
But some say that's jus part of love.. U have to feel the pain at times..
Without pain then there will be no love..
One of my guy friends said, i over love him..
I told him, " i know im being dumb & stupid for loving him so much but... ,"
He said no.. All he think about everytime i complain to him is that how the fuck can he be like tat when i love him so much..
It makes me think am i being dumb ??
I really try my best to please him, & everyone ...
Every single thing he did hurts me so much..
It brings tears to my eyes..
Seriously..
Which is why i hope my results is good enough for me to go aus..
I wana leave this f*** place...
I Hate it ere...
I rather be independence then staying at ere ! imagine i rather be independence than saying ere.. coming from me, it is a big deal..
Cos im dam dependent..
i depend on ppl alot.. which is why im easily affected by every single fucking thing...
I need alcohol..

Bad week..

Having my finals this whole week..
Exams = aarghh !!
Reasons for feeling so low:
1) Put on a lot of weight.. ( been eating too much junk foods..stress lar ;P)
2) My face is having it's own party, which means im having major break-outs..millions zits..
OMG ! i think my face is like pizza face now *sob*
3) Stress.. my frens finishes exams on wed but i finishes on thurs. ( being pathethic me, i failed
my maths last sem.so have to retake this sem. Note to self: must do well in this sem. Must
aim for 80 & above. Erm, well pass enough lar ;P )
4) Supposed to diet but can't.
5) Having fever & a bad cold..
6) Have not finish my IB yet.. im only at chapter 2 & i had lost interest in it already.. =(
7) Singapore airlines are so freaking expensive..
8) My hair does not behaved how i want it to be.

wtf dei... it's all turning worse for me.. hmmm, maybe bad karma ?? need to do more good deeds..anyone need me for help ?? =)

Content ;) Unsatisfied :(

For the first time ever, i woke up early !! 10 in the morning !! * proud* ;) Went to the Cleo 10 hour shopping marathon !! My legs are aching right now !! *ouch* That's the consequences of walking too fast in heels !!
I bought blusher pot, lip glaze, eye shadow, highlighter from Red Earth. It was so freaking pack !! You can't even get to the counter !! The situation at that time was like a lettuce sandwiched between two slice of bread ... Can't breath.. The worse part was some of the girls/ladies had BO =( Imagine sandwiched between those people !! NIGHTMARE !! Im trying so hard to breath !! ewwww !!!
Oooo... Bought a eye brightener from clinique ! ;)
Walk around trying to find all the participating outlets for the Cleo 10 hour shopping marathon ...
Walk into FCUK ,... Bought a pair of jeans there !! loveeee it !!! Even though mum nag me for like 15mins.. but it's so worth it... because i don't have to pay !!! LolZ...
Next stop, Xixili ... Bought ermm lingeriessss ... It was so cheap !!
I can feel that my leg is screaming with pain but ...
Bought two pairs of Levi's jeans ... Wat's the model ?? well, u wil just have to find out urself *ngeks* (hint: from the new range but not the one with the ugly pocket !! )
Bought flip-flops from white sands & this really cute choker from mori pin for only RM10 !!! =0
Grab a complimentary drink from coffe-bean.. took a sip & realized it was mocha !! eewww.. hate mocha... once i drank mocha, i cant sleep.. like now !!Arghh.. hate it !!
Im contented in a way.. But yet i feel unsatisfied..
It's not that i did not buy enough stuff ..
It's just that im still feeling so piss about the arguments i had yesterday with 'him'..
I HATE IT !!!!
I HATE THE WAY IM FEELING RIGHT NOW!!
I don't seem to understand what he's thinking...
wtf...
Im not trying to be depressed or anything..
im jus feeling piss, moody & hurt...
well.. im happy that i got so much stuff today..
courtesy of my mum !!! thanx mummy !!!
well, except for the red earth makeups..

Pathetic Me..

I should know that it was a bad idea to involved in a relationships now .. My exams are 2 days away !! but yet there's so much for me to study.. I just started chapter 1 of law.. There's 10 more chapters to go! I cant seem to concentrate ! i jus had a row with my bf.. I hate it !! We always argue over small things !! And all this arguments disturb my concentration !! =( wtf !! Yea, i know it's useless to get work out over small things !! Like arguments with ur bf ... but somehow it affect me !!
He's so freakin busy.. Sometimes it really pisses me off !!
He's working 7days a week.. 7am-7pm ..
He dun even bother making time for me??
Im supposed to be studying but im really piss at him !!!
WTF man..

Memories ;)

CPU Memories...

The Best Time EVER :)

Leroy, u would know what we r trying to do !! Lolz..

Me, Leroy & Rae.. wtf dei ;p

we r unique in our own way ;)

Alex & joanne ...

Ji-nette, sam, me, rae, joanne, alexiss, balvin, audrey, nessa.
*luv every one of u* ;)

jason, leroy & pang... so gay ;p

Believes..

I watched the exorcism of emily rose today.. One word to describe it. Disturbing !! seriously.. The whole movie, each scene is still stuck in my mind right now! 3am huh ?? i sleep at 3plus every day !! i guess i will have to go to bed EARLY today !! wouldnt want to risk anything right ? ;) Watching the movie make me realized something.. Make me believe that devils and GOd do exist ! I used to think that Christian is just a religion.. I used to go for Christian fellowship in my high school. But i always leave early and go in late . Wen, u should know ! ;) & i don't say the prayers that Christina do at the beginning of the erm ceremony?!? Because im a buddhist.. im not a hard-core buddhist because i am not. i don't go for sunday school. (yes, buddhist have sunday school as well). I rather sleep at home ! ;p The only thing i believe in the buddhist err book? is ghost.. that's all..
The movie today make me think that maybe converting to Christian is better. I find that at least christans know who they are praying for and how the prayer works, & the prayers are meaningful. Every single word has it's meaning.. No offense to those Buddhist out there but i think sometimes buddhist prayer are just words. Sometimes i dont even understand what am i saying because it's all in sanskrit.. At least Christian prayers are in words that we can understand..
I want to convert into a Christian !!But i don't like to go to church every sunday..
Does that make me a bad person??
hmmm... Christian people out there.. Advice ??

Mindless talk

Had a long conversation with jason lee last nite.. or should i say this morning.. He called me at 1plus in the morning !?!? HELO !! i need my beauty sleep u know ! ;) It kinda freak me out because he called me out of blue.. We din talk for like weeks.. with me busy with my finals.. Him? galfren ...
What we talk about ?? well, basically everything and anything.. just talking crap larr..
So long din rant my anger on him already *ngeks*
The funnies part was both of us said that we stopped going clubbing for weeks..
The last time both of us club was on his birthday ... & that was it.. Period.
We talk so much about lives... about relationship, about money, about my probs & his probs..
Eh, jason, dun blame me for that !! i cant help it !! i duno how to tell *him* !!!
We talk until he ran out of credit..
I jus realized something..
I'm like the walking alarm clock for few of my guy friends.. : Jason Lee, Adrian & Kah Choon..
So who want to be next on the list ? ;)
Because im the walking alarm clock, i tend to confused who i should wake at certain hours..
i confused with the time... sorri..
How am i supposed to remember ?!?
& when i told jason about me being a walking alarm clock, he make me dam stunned..
by saying that i should be proud to be a walking alarm clock .. wat?!??!???
"im better than normal alarm clock because i will call until they pick, which means that they will wake up. They wont wake up if they are using the NORMAL alarm clock because they will put it in snooze for like millions times & they will fall back asleep"
This is what jason said to me..
Am i supposed to be proud ?? ;) LOLZ

p/s: u guys should reward me with something for being ur alarm clock ! ;)

Photos

With Leroy and Pang and Rae

Tuesdayy ...

me, mich, rae & debz posing in none other than Asia Cafe.. ;)

Monday Blues =)

Justine, me, mich, rae... We want to bite mich cheek !! =P
Finals is around the corner, & we might never gona see each other again..
Therefore, it's time for us to take our camera out & cam-whore.. =P

Death

Someone close to me just pass away.. It makes me think that life is so unpredictable.. U duno what's going to happen the next sec.. Tragic .. Depressing... Stress... Life is full of ups and downs..

"Live life to the fullest"
This captions rings a bell in my head.. it kinda give me the idea that i should just do what i want to as long as it is not over the limit.. but sometimes it's hard to live your life to the fullest.. what with parent's rules, studies, etc etc ...

But i realized that as long as u think that what r u doin satisfied you, then u r on the right track..
So go on gals..
Eat that piece of chocolate cake.. ice-cream or whateva fattening foods that u r craving for..
Why bother dieting when life is so unpredictable...
& guys..
Do whateva crazy thing u guys have on ur mind...
U never know waht might happen tmw !!

p/S: I ate a plate of pan-mee for dinner & had ice-cream for supper... Yummm !!! =)

;)

A gift from Adrian.. Thanxx so much.. even though the bear is quite small ( =P ) but it's ur thoughts that count .. =) Im waiting for the whole collection .. Lolz ...

Saturday ...

Had a busy sat.. woke up at 9am ... I promise jo that we will go for the bumper issues thing in sunway pyramid.. Reach pyramid at bout 10.45 am.. The line was so freaking long even at 10 plus in the morning.. & we thought we were early.. What time these people reach ? 9am??!? Adrian came pyramid at 11am.. Stupid !! He was pms-ing tat time.. !! He came for like few minutes and then he went starbucks yum cha.. He cant even like help me line up or sumting like tat.. !?!? Whateverr ... Jo's bf, Brian came after awhile... & finally adrian came to accompany me after drinking his stupid drink !!
It's useless because he & brian walked away and started saying how dumb me & jo are.. lining up for lousy goody bag.. That's not worth it.. bla bla bla...
Millions of complain from both of them... They are like match made in heaven for critizing us !!
Went shopping with jo while waiting for brian to test drive the smart car for two..
A slimming contest was help in the open air of the entrance..
A lady approach us by giving us some forms.. I thought she was asking us to join the slimming program.. I walked away but jo is not so fortunate =P Jo's face was so shocked when the lady approach her.. She was like,"huh?".. anyone with a sense can see that jo does not need a slimming program.. she's skiiny enough..
But it turns out that she was notluring us to join some slimming program.. she was just asking us to vote for the contestants...
Oooo..i bought a bag from pyramid.. it's black in color.. I love it !!! =) & it's only for RM45.90 ..
Bargain !!! =) Had lucnh wif jo & brian in genki sushi ! Saw this really HOT & CUTE guy in genki sushi... He was sitting opposite me .. & he was there with his mum & i think it's his brother ..
HOT guy alert !! LOL ...
Went back about 2 plus.. Cos i wanted to go home to study first before going out at night with kah choon..
Oo.. i saw that HOT guy again when i was waiting for my dad to pick me up in the main entrance of pyramid... HOT !! HOT !! HOT !!
let me descirbe this guy.. he had messy spike.. (YUM!) .. tall with a nice body.. not too thin but yet not too fat either... & he was there with his mum.. This shows that he has a caring personality ? =)
Went to the euro fun park at night with kah choon..
I would never sit all these rides anymore !! except for maybe some that it's not so erm challenging ..
Sat sky vortex.. it was dam scary.. but im still feeling alright after that ride...
But after the challenger ride, i feel so ditzy.. i feel like vomiting but i cant..
Imagine how i feel at that time..
Went to watch dragon squad with kah choon after that..
The show is dam violent... seriously... Feel like puking halfway throughout the show..
After the movie, we went yum cha in jelutong with jason lee..
Our table was the noisiest... Lolz .. me & jason was making so much noise !! talking nonsense.. =P
Saw Some form 5 dj-ians.. dun they have to study for spm ?!? Form 5 nowadays !! Hahaaa...
have a fun night ... =)

The True Color ..

Had a long weekend where i finally learn what life really means to me.. What's the true meaning of life.. How life are meant to be ..
Some say life is full with obstacles ... and it is true .. Life is full with obstacles.. Obstacles that we as human sometimes cant take it..
We face millions of obstacles as we grow up stage by stage..
I also learn that life is like a long journey.. During the journey we might face something that make us feel so uncomfortable for the rest of the journey..
Do you feel this way about your life at times?
This weekend make me realize that life's a bitch.. You can't get what you want even though you spend months and months trying to get it but you wont get what how you want it to be.
God gives us life but sometimes God can be really unfair at times.. Im not blaming God! im not.. im just saying in general..
Why some people that treat the people around her/him bad but yet they live a better life than those who are trying so hard to help people, sacrifice themselves for the sake of others?
Is it just God trying to test us ? To see how capable we are of taking care ourselves?
So many questions but yet the answers are unknown..
I learn that nobody can help you in ur lives..You have to learn to help yourself emotionally and physically.
Life is meaning-less. What's the use of living if there is no purpose or goal?
Sometimes people think that live is just having fun & not caring what other people think ..
But you wouldn't know what some people are facing..
There are some people that have to burden themselves with stress from trying to sacrifice for the people around them.
Why is it so hard to be able to lead your life the way you want ?
It's your own life.. God give life to everyone and everyone have to right to life the way they want..
So what's with the controlling parents, the stress in live that cause people to suicide and friends that take advantage of them..
There are some poeple that trying so hard to please everyone but you know what i just realize?
It's not enough !! No matter what you do or how much you do, it will never satisfied the people around you..
It will never be !!
So what's the best solution?
Ignore everything around you..
Jus go through with your life..
There's nothing you can do to change how your life is going to be..
WE can't play God...

Bitchy me...

Im such a bitch lately and also naive .. (seriously!) Toying with people's feelings.. Thinking that everything will go my way and it will turns out the way i want.. Yea.. Yea.. i know what you guys are thinking.. "what happen to me?"
Blame it on stress.. Exams are just around the corner & i just realize that i havent start studying.. & when i flip through my textbooks, I was so freaking shocked.. There's so much to read.. Oh god.. Im so screw .. !!!! I hope my marks is good enough for me to go aus next year =) Aus, ere i cum !!!!! =) LOL.. *praying hard that i can graduate & dun have to repeat another sem*

29 more days to Singapore Zouk Fest thingy =)
17 more days to finals =/

Singapore Zouk Fest...

The title says it all.. =) Read bout it in JUICE last month.. but it totally slips out from my mind.. until today.. Rae was talking about it.. & i was like, "Ohh... yea.. i defenitely will be there!!" hehee =) Me and Rae was planning the transportation, accomadation, clothes yadi yada ... Oooo.. im so excited... If im not mistaken the ticket is 30 singapore dollar.. so will be bout RM70 ?!? i sux in maths lar ! =P oooo.. im so excited... go grab a copy of tis month JUICE for more information..
i sound like one of those promoter, promoting it.. *ngeks* =p

30 more days to Singapore Zouk Fest ... =)

My Early New Resolution... =P

1. Go on a strict diet .. =P
2. Start a new diet plan...
3. Decide what's wrong and what's right ..
4. Earn more $$$
5. Get fit ...
6. exercise more ...

LOL.. hopefully, i can stick to my resolutions..

Koma 2 ...

Watch koma 2 in 1u today with jo, desmond & adrian ... Was so excited to watch it ... i lve horror movie .. even though i wont be able to sleep after watching horror movie.. but i still LOVE it =) Stupid ? yeaa .. kind of .. well, we do stupid stuff in our lives rite ? =P The que to buy the popcorn was so freakin long ... We miss the few mins of the show .. =/ Jo was so happy that we miss a bit of the movie.. She hate watching horror movie but i FORCE her to watch Koma 2 with me .. LOLZ ... well, too bad jo ... but at least u can grab desmond shirt rite ;P *ngeks* I scream even at the beginning of the movie... cos the sound effect was so loud .. sorriiiii... din mean it =P Halfway during the movie, i scream AGAIN .. =P it was not my fault .. jo disturb me !!! I was so engrossed with the movie.. then she have to use her cold hand to touch my shoulder... Obviously i scream rite !! How would i know is her hand when im so into the movie... Jo, desmond & adrian was laughing throughout the whole movie !! (eh, it's horror movie lar ppl.. not comedy movie !! ) ooo... i got a bear from adrian .. will upload a pic of the bear =) heheee ... the bear is so cute... wll, i think it is lar... =P The movie was kinda sux.. dun even have a storyline.. it's jus gross .. super super gross ... Wana puke when i think back bout it ... dun ever watch koma 2.. it's a total waste of money.. seriously...
Jo, desmond & adrian : im not watching horror movie wif u guys dy .. =p lolz ...

Confused ...

Kah choon msg me today .. out of blue .. i was so shocked and suprised but yet happy in a way =D Got so hyper after he msg me that i couldn't concentrate in law class .. LOL ... I jus found out something.. He dun even have a galfren.. All those stuff that jason told me are the opposite of what kc is telling me.. Jason told me that he has a galfren... etc etc .. Im so ocnfused right now.. i duno how should i trust ... Jason is my good fren and he's my ex ... Oh god... Kc told me a lot of stuff today.. He make it as if we are still together.. Cos in one of the msgs, i ask him about one of his friend that i went clubbing with... So he told me that that fren of his is bad influence.. smoke, drugs, weeds, u name it, he done it.. Kc asked me not to mix around with him so much.. ya di ya da... lecturing me on how easy im inlfuence by my surrounding.. Then i say that his frens most probably forget bout me already cos they were on drugs at that time.. He say they know im his gf .. WAT's Tis ?!??! im his ex riteee ??? I dunoo.. shit mann ... im so freakin confused... he make it sound like as if we are still together.. wat's this ?
OMG ... i need advice from my babeesss =)

Someday...

maybe someday i will understand why am i feeling this way..
maybe someday i will be alright again..
maybe someday i will be slimmer again..
Someday i hope that everything will be alright again..
the sun will be shinnier..
the clouds will be fluffy..
there will be less rain..

If this happens, then i will be chirpier, less moody & happier ..
As for now, i have to settle on being my normal self: Fat, short &useless..

Someday i hope that i will be alright again..
someday i will turn back and laugh at my silly-ness.
Someday i will rub it into those people that look down on me..
Someday i will help or repay back to my frens that alwis help me & alwis be there for me..

Clubbing...

Woke up at 12pm.. so freakin tired.. wanted to sleep longer .. than i remember that Rae is coming to my hse to do ib project.. drag myself up.. Slept at 6am the day before.. Was talking to adrian.. Ended everything.. sad? yeaa.. kind of.. but not that much.. After talking to him, i talked to jason.. talked to him until 6plus in the morning.. Both of us were feelin so depressed..
Agenda of the whole afternoon:
12.15pm: Rae reach my hse..
12.30-4.30: On the comp, doin our projects.. talking.. gossiping..telling her my problems.
5pm: Rae went back..
6pm: went out for dinner with parents..

Basically thats how i spent my whole afternoon.. sad rite.. was so tired after on the comp the whole day.. oooo... im getting excited.. im goin clubbing with!! To celebrate jason lee bday !!
Adrian was late to pick me up.. (yea, we r still frens... )
But jason was even more late than me.. He reach kl around 12 plus.. nearly 1.. Stupid !! make me wait for you.. when i could be inside dancing dy !! =( Went thai club... ( yea, i know!) i wanted to go zouk but he was so stubborn.. keep insisting to go thai .. fine... go thai then.. Went to meet wei ping in zouk after jason had open a bottle of chivas.. got lost on the way there to zouk.. it was my fault ! sorri... i gave the wrong direction.. oppsss =P
OOohhh... wei ping has this cute guy fren, William.. he was so cute !! =) * winkz* wei ping, wei ling and william follow us to thai.. they only stay for like maybe half an hour.. oh god... wei ping can even shuffle in heels .. & dam rite.. she can shuffle.. Im the only one that can't shuffle.. oh god.. so malu man .. hahaaaa..
Went ming tien yum cha with jason, sing kit, alex, terrence & aaron.. We were not satisfied.. cos thai close at 3.. so early.. oh mi god.. =P
Fought with adrian the whole time inside the car on the way back form kl.. i dun even know wat's his problem.. i dun even know wat's his problem..we weren't together anymore...so wat i drank alot.. wat's that got to do with him.. im not his gf wert.. he dun have the right to control me.. He even raise his voice and scold me.. wtf ...
Our conversation goes like this when we reach ming tien:

Adrian: Let's go back home.. im dam tired now.. my eyes are killing me.. and it's
nearly 4 dy...
Me: I dun wan to go home yet.. if you wana go home, then you go home yourself.. im
not tired!
Adrian: Stop being so childish.. Fine.. if you don't wana go home, then you ask jason
to fetch you home later... i dun wan to choi you anymore dy larr..
Me: Fine.. wateva.. i can find my own way wann...
Adrian: Dun merajuk dy k.. i seriously dam tired.. i sick oso go clubbing with u.I need
to work tmw k..
Me: mumble sumting.. ( i cant remember wat i mumble =P )
Adrian: (silent)
Me: ( open the car door & put my both melg out)
Adrian: (open his door & walk to my seat) Now u either choose to follow jason or me.
Decide now..
Me: Of cos jason larr.. ( of cos i din say out loud =P ) .. i jus keep quiet..
Adrian: dun pretend that u din hear what i say !!
Me: WAT ??? y must choose..

I was silent the whole time i was waiting for jason.. stupid jason.. alwis oso late.. Adrian was so freakin piss when he saw me walking out of the car when jason arrive... wateva larr.. wat he want me to do.. it's jason bday.. & jason is my good fren... We were so crazy in ming tien.. talking nonsense.. all their secret out =P
Saw aiman, ah sun, mel in ming tien as well.. Sing kit, aaron and jason were so drunk.. & it's so funny seeing hteir face.. especially sing kit's face.. LOL...
we were in ming tien till bout 5plus in the morning ... crazyrite..
then jason fetch every1 home except for me,aaron and alex.. we went tea time to meet mike..
sat there until bout 7.. then mike fetch me home..
thanxx aaron for carrying me & listenin to me cried..
thanx jason for listening ot me cried even though it's ur bday...
dam.. another hang over day again...
note to self: must not drink anymore...

Jason Lee's Bday Celebration !!

Went clubbing on his bday eve... went thai club ... it was ok larr... not bad... went ming tien after thai close.. sat in ming tien til 7am.. then mike fetch me home.. thanx mike =) oh & thanx aaron.. first time i see u vomit worr... hahaa..
& ur secret is safe with me ..=P *ngeks*
i will blog bout the agenda next day..
feelin so tired..

Happy Birthday Jason Lee!!!

Happy Birthday Jason Lee !!! Hmmm... no wishes for you.. just that thanx for alwis be t here for me.. listening to me cry.. even on ur bday celebration.. u have to listen to me cry .. ranting to you about my problems.. ( sorri, cant help it.. when im drunk i started off with crying,then i will get hyper)... =P Happy bithday jason boy !! ur pressie will be on the way... soon.. =P
* Hugsss & kisses *
p/s: i will load the pic i took wif the bday boy soon.. it's in my camera phone... wait lar.. now not free =P We both look so drunk.. red-eyed... red face... stupid smile.. drunk smile.. =P

Same probs.. same situations ...

slept at 6am yesterday.. was talking to jason lee till kinda late...
we talk about our probs.. our lives.. our secrets...
& we both realized that we had the same problem but we cant find the solution for it..
wtf ...
we were so freakin depressed...
i try to console him & he tried to console me ..
but guess what? it didn't work..
cos after that attempt-console, we still feelin so piss, depressed, sad..
I cant tell wats our oh-so-depressed prob is.. cos then the whole world would know =P
but i guess life is like that..
there's times that our lives is so freakin bad, that u feel like committing suicide..
but yet htere are times that u feel happiness every single day of ur lives..
every min,hour, sec or wateva..
yea, i feel so depressed, emo & down..
so sue me..
i have the right to be that way..
Every human have the freedom of expression. rights & speech..
hmm.. i know my law knowledge will come handy one day..
jus never expected it to be so soon.. LOL
=P

Behind all these mask...

I jus found out sumting ...
Is that most of the times people are fake..
Behind their masks, they are all fakers.. liars..
why in the world would people do this ?
Isnt it better if you just show your true color ??
Even if you show it, please dont even give me some bullshit..
Im not naive nor stupid..
Sometimes you think that im really dumb but guess wat?
im jus pretending to be.. im just going along with it..
I already know the truth ..
I just don't want to say it ..
It's not that i don't know.. It's that im not interested in confronting you..
It's useless to confront you..
Just let it be larr ..
What the hell can i do oso rite.. if you insist on doing so ..
im not interested ...that's all i know..
You are just like all of them... fakers, liars & u know what..
i couldn't give a shit bout that anymore..
Im just gona ignore it..
Im tired of bugging my friends with all this shit probs just cause u guys decided to act this way..
To be fake... to lie ... to go beyond your heart..
Im seriously dam tired of all this shit already.. seriously.. i am..
If this go on even after my finals.. you know what..
im gona do the right thing..
i wil..

10 things i hate bout u or my live or wateva...

Ten things i hate the most ...

1) Cheaters...
2) Guys With a BIG ego ...
3) Two-timers...
4) Break-ups..
5) Depression & emo-ness..
6) Putting on weight !!
7) People that bug me til i get dam annoyed & they still dun get the hint..
8) Hangovers... !!
9) Two-faced..
10)Lack of $$$ ... i need it when im feelin depressed..

I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts, cause it will end
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
As if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
As if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go, I'll be the first to go
Dont want to be the last to know (over, over, over)
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I cant live without you
Cant breathe without you
Im dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that its over
As if the world is spinning and Im still living
It won't be right if were not in it together (Tell me that it's over)

I cant live without you
Cant breathe without you
Im dreamin' bout you (Tell me that its over, over)
Honestly, tell me
Honestly, tell me
Dont tell me that its over
Dont tell me that its over

These lyrics really suit my emotions and how i feel right now...
I can so totally relate to it...
If it's over, y cant u let me know by ursefl ?

31st October...

i will alwis remember this date... it will be wif me forever...
this date is when kc ask me to be his gf...
& when i actually thought back how it happen ..
it was funny yet sweet...
damm.. i hate oct 31...
i alwis hate it since the day we ended things off...
cos it mades me recalled back what happened that day ...
How can it turns so sour when we hit it off so good ..
*sob* *sob*
feel like crying again.. i can feel the tears forming in the corner of my eyes ...
i remember every single detail ... every single words he had spoken to me..
every single ting that happened..
why it had to turn out like this ?
reasons... reasons...
every single thing i do now reminds me of him..
every single place i went reminds me of him..
every songs remind me of him..
how can i forget bout it so easily if every single god dammit thing remind me of him?
the only solution that i can think of?
fly to overseas to study...
seriously.. im planning to do that..
if my marks are good enough..
i hope so..
hallowen is supposed to be fun but guess wat?
it's not fun for me..
it's full with memory..
full with sad memory..
i trusted you so much..
i had open up my heart for u..
but....
* sob*
cant stand the feeling anymore...
i hate hallowen & nov 1st..
* sob *
* tears *
*tears*

Lies...

life is full of lies... Wtf..
hate the thought of knowing that i live in lies...
y would u lie to me ?
it's dam annoying that u could do this thing when u say another thing right in front of my face?
don't u think it's dam bullshit .. for what u did ?
u r making me not gona able to trust u anymore !!
i thought u were different but u know wat i realize ?
all of u guys r just the same... full of lies, bullshit ..
maybe i should jus ignore it..
pretend tat it did not happen ?
i jus realized today tat it's not easy open up ur heart for sum1..
it's easy to trust tat a person but sumtimes when u really trust tat person..
then it wont turn the way tat u want it to be.. life's is like tis..
i must start being a cold bitch..
not trusting anyone anymore...
jus screw it..
wtf.. so many things happen... but yet the effects are still affecting me..
mentally & oso physically..
=(
I hate the though of ppl lying to me..
& if u r not lying.. then y would u wana do that ?
wtf is all tis...

The beginning,,

Woke up feeling so tired.. with a feeling of depressed...
I cant seem to get why i was feeling like that .. & it jus hit me that i found out sumting that hurt me alot the day before... sumting that really kills me... & the effect is still there !!
Got so depressed that i give adrian a called.. at bout 8sumting in the morning =P
I cried the whole nite.. woke up with puffy eyes .. & stomach pain.. ( i think it's cos i vomitted for 1hours ! seriously! i jus cant stop vomitting). Y is all thish shit happen to me all the time?
I know that i have adrian know.. he's good .. i admit he's beta than a lot of guys... but there's just sumting missing.. & i know what is it.. he's cos he cant make up his mind .. he have not make his final decision... i dun wan to settle for another heartbreak again.. seriously..
it's very painful & torturing... Maybe i think too much..
Should i jus let it go with the flow?
Should i just go through with it?
Nobody can predict the future rite?
Im glad that he(not kc!) really cares for me... he does in a way..
but maybe it's jus too soon to erm.. confide in alot of stuff...
Back to the day... He ask for mc today.. which means he's not working.. which means that he's free to go out wif me ! =)
went to see a doctor in 1u.. i was having really stomach pain..
then he pick me up from 1u..went to his fren shop in sunway mas..
i ate dam alot yesterday... i broke my not eating 3 meals a day !! stupid adrian!! force me to eat !!
we had bak kut teh for lunch... is drinking the soup and eating few pieces of erm, i think it's called "yar chao guai".. im not sure.. the fried tingy that u have to dip it inside the soup ... FAT dy !!! after that, guess where we went? went back to his condo to meet his parents..
dam freaky man !! seriously.. dam akward... i was feeling so scared !
went to puchong to see furniture with his whole family... was there for like 2 hour plus..
after deciding wat furniture to buy, we went to eat dinner...
another meal again !! oh god !!! i feel so fat man !!!
and it's after 8 !! oh man.. i dun eat after 8.. i only do tat once in a while... oh shit...
went 1u after that to meet joanne & her bf... she was screaming with joy because she got a pics taken with daniel.. the malaysian idol guy... she's so cute when she did her screaming ting... =P i went home bout 10 plus.. cos i have to go to my cousins hse...
we went to espanda for hallowen party... sorry sherve.. supposed to meet her up in zouk.. but my cousins dun wan ...
still thinkin bout him =(

The end...

U alwis feel happier when u watch the ending of a movie rite..
But i dun think so..
i felt that ending is the worst part in our lives.
im not sure how i feel rite now..
sad?yes...definitely..
depressed? yeaps...
moody? yeaa..
piss? yessss...
So it ends up to different emotions...
I jus found out sumting tat realy hurts me alot.. dam hurt..
as if u r using a knife to cut urself...
painful.. but yet u can erase the hurt from ur heart & brain & memory....
wtf is all tis... i seriously cant believe it..
i nv thought he was tat kind of person...
f*** coward, loser...
im not saying tis cos i wan revenge... im not..
but all im trying to say is tat y is all tis shit happening to me..
i cant stop going to endless party... even though i know it wont do any good to ur bosy or emotion... but i have to..
i have to forget my pain..
my ever lasting pain... the pain is so painful tat i can feel it all the time..
Ending to me is never good... i prefer beginning..
becos beginning is alwis the part of ur life tat everyting goes smoothly...

Hangover....

i hate hangovers !! seriously ...!!
i went club yesterday nite.. was feeling so moody... cos it was my anniversary...
but kc din even give a dam bout it..
reach bout 11 plus...
keep on drinking the alcohol.. i din even mix the alcohol drink with a lot of soft drinks...
i think i drank more than duno how many cups...
got so drunk =/
How u behave when u drunk? =P
- cant walk straight...
- insist that u r alrite... tat u r not drunk..
- Cant stand straight/ still..
- keep falling down.. /imbalance..
- face got so hot..

OMG ... drunk is not a good feeling..
cos i felt so terrible the next day...
even the day bfore tat i felt terrible...
i vomitted non-stop... & there r times tat i felt like vomitting but i cant...
& the worst part is? i cant remember wat had happened...
i had vomiitted on adrian's shoe & shirt.. * sorry adrian *
Aaron was taking care of me the whole nite ... * thanxx aaron*
sorri to all the ppl i had cause trouble to...
thanx 4 taking ggod care of me...
oh .. & i remember sumting..
i din take out my heels when i slept over in adrian's ...
& he had to take out for me.. LOL ...
hangover is bad !! nv will get drunk anymore...
i hope so.. =P

Numb.....

Ever had the feeling that everyting doesnt matter to u anymore?
U don't give a shit about what's happening around u?
All u seem to care about is that u can graduate & get through with ur life...
Well, that's how i feel right now..
All i feel when i woke up is tired... that's all..
No feeling of happiness, love or whatever bullshit..
All i feel is emptiness..
The food are tasteless..
Im eating more junk foods..
I don't even care that im getting fatter & my skin is breaking out..
Im jus eating because it's part of survival..
I'm studying & doing my assignments because it's part of the step to graduate..
I'm walking in daze everyday...
I don't seem like a emo person to my frens..
Because all the sympathy wont make my probs go away..
Im not alright.. ok ...fine.. or wateva..
Get along with it..
I don't know that y im still hanging on to it..
I think it's cause that im not satisfied with y is this happening..
I don't even know the real reasons behind all this..
At least give me a reasons..
So i know...
It will be more fair to me ..
I'm just feeling numb right now..
Im going through my life emotionless..
Im just doing whatever it takes so that my life can go on...

should i or should i not?...

so much stuff tat's happening but yet so little time to find solutions to all these problems..
should i let it go or should i not?
i dun even know whether letting it go it's the right thing to do right now...
I dun even wana let it go.. but im not sure where i stand right now...
i can tolerate with anything .. but y cant he try to understand that?
i try calling him & even msg him but he dun even bother replying me or calling me back..
y is he alwis like tat? since the beginning, he say he will change... he will never be like now..
but i guess they are all lies huh ...
I dun even know wats the problem that causes us to be like tis...
y cant we talk it over instead of bcuming like tis?
i jus wan us to settle everyting again .... & everyting will be back to normal...
but i guess that's hard to achieve it rite ??
im feeling so confused...
i dunwan to end it.. i really dun..
corny ..but i dun think anyone is beta than him...
seriously...
i know luv cums & go... but it's not for me right now...
i wana talk things over wif him.. but how?
he dun even pick up his freaking phone..
i dunwan to involve his good fren..
everytime we fight, we alwis involve his good fren ..
we alwis relay him to help us settle everyting..
im feeling so bad that i alwis have to ask jason for help
but i guess i have to ask for his help again...
can talk things over settle it ?
* sigh*

more than words...

went to mid valley today.. skip my international business class to go mid * naughty* i know.. & i even skip my maths class to go breakfast wif my frens... feelin so guilty ... damm.. din get anything in mv .. im kinda broke =/
was listening to frankie J, more than words... fall in luv with that song ...
his lyrics really makes me wonder about alot of things..
more than words... sometimes u dun have to say alot of things to describe how u feel.. u dun have to say " i luv u" to that special sum1 because u both know it & that's enough.. so y do i have to say millions of sentences & words to him ? when we both understand how is it like? y?
do words really that important? dun u think actions speak louder than words? i had done so many stuff & yet i still need to say it in words? isnt it unnecessary? i think its unnecessary...
i had to express myself in alot of ways but yet he still dun get it..
oh dam.. i dun even know what am i toking bout ..
well, excuse my lil post...

Changes

changes in life... this is what everyone goes through every dayin their lives...
I been through millions of changes in my life & yet the changes still going on..
Are changes good or bad?
I been thinking bout the changes in my life or to be more specific...
what i wana change bout my life...

I have decided a few changes that i would wana do...

I wana get a new hairstyle to forget the past.. any suggestion?
I wana change my lifestyle... try to be more serious in my studies or try to change into a party girl where i party every weekends..
change my dressing style...

Well, i all want is changes so that i can forget the past..
i been thinkin of getting a tattoo cos tat person HATE tattoo..
i already got a new hp... it's a beginning of my new life..
now all i want is a new hairstyle...
new clothes or wateva...

Alcohol.. ciggs.. drugss

i dun seem to understand the effects of alcohol, furgs & cigss.. y would anyone ever try drugss & y would anyone wana smoke & drink so much... now i understand.. to forget the pain.. sounds stupid.. ? yes.. these 3 are everyone's enemy.. they wont do any wonder to our emotions for the rest of ourlife.. but it does help for one day.. so y not take it? whateva method that can help us forget pain then it's ok.. even though u know the consequences are bad... u might regret it.. but dun u ever wonder how izit.. what's the feeling of consuming alcohol, taking rugs & oso fagging... yes, i do wonder.. im already addicted to alcohol... drugs & ciggs? nope.. but would like to try.. seriously.. im being so stupid for even thinking bout all this rite.. since last time, im alwis insulting & discriminating those ppl take take drugs & now i wana try?? oh god.. i dun even know wat am i thinking anymore... i guess it's time to change to a different lifestlye... different hair-cut, different person.. If i have the chance to try it, yes i will...

hectic, tired...

woke up at 8am today.. cos debbie say she's gona fetch me & mich at 10.. but change of plans at the end.. she only manage to pick us up at bout 12 plus.. went to mcD for breakfast wif mich at bout 11 plus, i think.. cos both of us were feelin so hungry & we feel like eating mcD.. had apple pie ..yummmm... =) Adrian came to meet me & mich at mcD... we only manage to reach kl at bout 1-2plus... sg wang was so pack... cant really shop.. !! damm !! was so looking forward to buy new clothes for college & for going clubbing =) My mood was spoilt when kah choon told me sumting... wasn't intended to call him.. but rae wana know how to differenship a second-hand hp or real phone.. call his shop cos i know he wont pick up his phone.. WTF man.. how can he ever say tat? .. wateva.. got a brand new hp.. Nokia 6620... =) happy in a way.. but yet sad in another way... Screw everyting.. i need alcohol...

not my day

Oh god.. law test today was so freakin hard... cant even do... shit.. im so scared that im gona fail my test... arghh !!! my lecturer, ms. kristin is crazy !!! alwis giving us such hard law test... arghh... .. & i drop my samsung hp.. & guess wat.. d screen totally blank.. cant even read msg or go to the menu.. but ppl can call in.. & kc jus send the phone to repair.. oh shit... im so screw.. & i guess im going down kl to repair my hp.. erm, hopefully is cheap? arghh... dammm... today is jus not my day !!

My Women...

To all my women...
Rae.. Joanne... Alexiss.. Debbie... Wei Ling.. Elaine... SherVe... Wen Ni...Leroy ( well, u r one of my bestest fren.so... =P )and everyone who knows me...
Thanxx 4 being dere for me throughout the day.. anytime of the day...
& Rae... yea, u r mention ere !! =)

Reasons im grateful about u..
Rae: for alwis listen to my whine, complain & of cos givin me advice... & alwis making me do the rite thing... even though i dun.. hahaa
Joanne: For listening to my whine, helping me gather together when im feeling down.. Remember the times when i would cum to class crying & also account paper finals? well, thanxx... Another shopping freak like me.. & guess wat? im glad tat u go for bargain... like me..
Alexiss: Partners in crime.. LOL... Thanx for listen to my whinee... =)
Debbie: Heart to heart talk... tellin me what's right and what's wrong... =)
Wei Ling: skipping class for me ... *winkz* Remember tat day.. where u pack ur lunch inside the car.. *winkz* thanx babee...
Elaine: my high school mate.. thanx babe for being dere for me mentally =) & of cos thanx for lending me ur clothes.. well, wat do u expect when u have millions of clothes.. =) Hang in dere babe k? =)
SherVe: my crazy fren.. alwis put a smile on everyone's face especially mine wif jokes... =)
Wen Ni: how could i forget u rite... been there for me since form2 until now.. my shopping partner.. partners in crime... my lesbo partners.. hahaa.. neway, thanx for alwis dere for me when i needed u.. & for the great advice even though i dun alwis take it... =P Gona miss u when u goin overseas to study... i cant whine dy... miss u babeee....
Leroy: thanx for alwis listen to me.. let me 'merajuk' in front of u.. letting me cry in front of u... & alwis asking me to chill.. thanxxx cupcake.. *hugss* trance guy? hmm.. suprised... LOL

& oso to everyone who i have not mentioned.. thanxx for being my fren.. if i ever did anything wrong to u guyss.. so sorriii..

LUV U GUYSSS SO MUCHH...
* HUgsssSSS *

My biatches...

My two best biatches...
Joanne and wen ni..
Thanx for alwis dere for me through thick and thin..
Alwis listen to my whine and complain ...
Alwiz up for a last min shopping trip to cure my sadness...
Alwis help me settle my relationships, studies etc etc...
Alwis giving me good advice even if im too stubborn to take it...
Luv u guyss so muchh...
Hugsss & kisseesss....

Dedicate this post to Elainee..

Elaine...
U know they say:
lifes go on no matter wat...
Time will heal ur wound..
U can bounce back to urself in maybe a week later...
Well, i think that some of it are bullshit.. yes, it's true.. i dun deny all this statement.. it's jus that even though time does heal ur wound but u will have a scar inside ur heart no matter what.. and it will be hard to fall in love again and open up ur heart to ppl.. cos once bitten twice shy... Rite..
No matter what...
U have ur frens wif u..u have me... even though im quite a bad fren lately *sorrriii* supporting u throughout ur life..
I cant say that what im going through is much more worse than u because i jus realized t hat we cant compare each other's love lives or wateva izit call..
everyone have their own depression moment... i have mine.. & im still having it..
It really makes me wonder... can ciggs, alcohol and drugs cure all the pain...
Babeee.. dun smoke so much k...
* hugsss & kissess *
Luv yaaa....
*huggieee*

falling into pieces...

Don't u guys realize that i seem happier and less depressed? or i no longer bug u bout my probs wif him anymore? If u really think that im actually that happy, then we go ahead & think bout that.. but i know some of you guys understands that behind this face of mine is actually fake. it's all part of an act that conceal my real feelings.. It's like a concealer u bought from a make-up counter.. u use it conceal ur scars, acnes, dark circles, bags or wateva... in my case, im jus using it to conceal my feelings.. I know it's stupid to always think about that when he's not even feeling a bit sad about it.. I guess he won't even know that my hear is falling into pieces cos of this...
My life is falling into pieces...
I seem to be growing fatter & fatter..
My skins is getting worse.. Acnes, dry skin, bags, dark circle..
My hair sux..
My parents are controlling me more..
My body seems to react the opposite direction..
But i guess like wat elaine said..
I seem to be study more... cos i wana get out of malaysia..
I seriously do.. cant stand all the shit that happens ere..
too many memoriess...

Missing Him

Oh god.. im quite flattered that there tis chinese mix thai guy and an indian mix chinese guy that are interested in me.. seriously i do.. im flattered.. but i miss my bf more... & he has not been calling me for like few days... im so worried bout him.. I hope that's nothing happen to him.. im not cursing him or wat.. seriously.. im jus dam worried bout him... Eventhough there are guys tat are interested in me but all i wan is my bf.. cant believe that i say that? well, believe it =) Im jus hoping that things between us will be beta again... things had been quite tense between us.. i duno y..i guess it's the time of the month.. the time where we will have our big fight... =( I miss him so muchh... damm... im jus gona concentrate on my exams 1st.. & pray that things will be ok again between us... =/

Misss u so much darliinggg....

ShoppinG Day !!

Went 1u after class today with joanne... Met up wif Adrian in 1u.. had our lucnh in fish&co... Yummm.... had Chips! Chips! Chips! =) Joanne's food came late.. then she jokingly complain to the waiter whether she got get any free food or is her portion bigger.. Joker lar she.. And u know wat.. the waiter actually gave us a basket of fries for free !!! But we din finish it cos we were too full.. it was fun !! we joke around with each other & crap alot... telling ghost story & funny jokes... =) went shopping today !! walk all the shops... bought pink halter from tis new shop called pussycat.. it was dam cheap.. the top is RM29 only.. cheap ritee.. =) & me & joanne bought a white mini skirt for 25 buck... it was actually 30 buck for one skirt.. but she actually bargain with the cashier... & he willingly give us =) Yipppeeee.... so happy.. The only thing tat can trigger my mood is tat kc is still ignoring me... WTF is tis man.. & adrian ask me to go Q-bar tonight.. is he crazy.. im so dead tired.. & i have maths test tmw... He dun seem to understand... haihzzz... how am i gona turn him down ... WTf ...

Responsibilities....

It seems tat everyone is afraid of the word, RESPONSIBILITIES..
I cant seem to understand wat's so scary bout tis word..
yes, its a huge step.. but everyone have to has tis as they grew older...
no one can escape from this.. the only way to escape from tis is when u r dead..
y cant he be more responsible for his actions?
he's 20 years old.. for god sakes..
All i need is from him to be more responsible..seriously.. tats all..
The only thing i need from him is pick up his phone when i call, be there for me when i needed him to at times like now...
but u know wat? he cant..
sumtimes i wonder if i made the right decision of getting together back with him..
If loving him is so dam hard, i rather choose to love him in my memory...
Y would he make promises tat he cant keep? Y ?
Are all guys like tis?
im seriously getting very tired of all this thing..
i really wana make everyone happy.. i really do..
but maybe making everyone happy isnt wat im good at..
it's getting very suffocating for me.. because im trying to make everyone happy
& i know ppl are taking advantage of me cos of this..
but i dun care.. i really dun... i jus want everyone to be happy..
Y cant my bf try to make me happy for once?
Y cant he be dere for me when i needed him to?
I know im alwis complaining bout him.. but deep down inside...i think wat i did was worth it..
stupid of me for thinking tat rite? but....
I jus want everyting to be alrite again.. u know wat i mean..
after flirting wif so many guys, i realize tat i dun even care for them.. i dun even give a shit bout dem..
All i care bout is him.. ONLY HIM...
But i guess what u did to other people will reflect back on u..
i guess tis is my punishment of treating him like shit at 1st..
but i din actually kiss any guys behind his back.
it was jus a harmless flirt... honestly..
i even told him bout the guys k...
wtf is all this...

Emotions...

having my depression feelings again..
Can't seem to understand a few things...

Y life's a bitch?
Y does life alwis don't turn out the way u want it to be?
Y guys are bastards(no offense to the guys out dere)?

I dun seem to get the grip tat life's always a bitch.. i guess it's because everyting is going wrong..
My marks/grades for all subjects drop...
Having frens problem... two-faced frens & betrayal..
Fighting wif parents... i cant understand y they r being so paronoid..
Relationship problem..

I can solve the marks problem.. all i have to do is work hard& i will but jus not now.. my mind is blinded/full with emotion right now.. depressed & pain..
I know most of my close frens ( u guys know who u r & i luv u guys for putting up wif me) are getting bored & tired of my same old problem...
But i jus cant find a solution to it.. i dun wan to be bothering my frens wif the same old problem all the time either...
& wen, i dun wan to do wat u have suggested.. u know i cant do tat...
im complaining all the time but i jus want the best out of it...
is it tat hard? wtf is all tis..
izit cos im bad to ppl ?i dun even wana think bout all tis without the emo cuming out.. It's suffocating me.. honestly..
sometimes im feelin so tired.. cos i have to weigh myself wif all this shit..
There are times tat maybe i should just end it once and for all..
But i know i cant.. no matter wat happens or how it happens or why it happens..
i will always go back .. go back for the same black hole..
Izit tat hard to HOPE tat life will go ur way?
Life will turn out the way u want?
Will life turn my way if im:
Prettier?
Smarter?
Slimmer?
Maybe if im smarter,prettier & slimmer then life would turn the way i want it to be..
I know it's dumb for saying tis but life doesn't always turn the way u want..
But it's been like shit for the past few weeks..
easier to jus say wateva..but u know wat..
sometimes its easier to say but when u actually need to do it, it's very hard..
or maybe jus cos of me..

OMG !!!!

jus found out tat i cant go to wen's party... 50 % chance of not going.. cos my parents decided to go back ipoh .. of all days ... WTH !! damm piss now... pig out jus now cos i was feelin so dam piss... arghh !! feelin more piss cos i ate alot & i feel fatter !! WTF !!
I will think of a way to go... i always does...
i must get wat i want =)
I dun give a shit !!

College mates...

A bunch of my closest college mates.. luv u guys so much.. thanx 4 putting up my whine, merajuking & terrible mood swings... LOl ... Hugsss...

What a Day ...

woke up late today... kinda rush to go class today.. as usual i reach class on the dot .. =) Went to find kc during my break... i skip families class again.. i guess it's the 5th time ... damm !! cos we could not reach back to college in time & im kinda lazy to go for the last period of class... which is from 2.15-3.30 ... dam tiring man !! so in d end, i decided to skip families... hahaa... hopefully, i can get the warning letter from the post before my parents took it.. =/ all wells ends well... it turn out that kc wasnt angry at me.. he jus lost his hp.. haihz... make me waste my time go dere.. i loan him one of my hp ... went back after tat... so tired... & i put on weight !!! dam !! supposed to diet for wen's party... 2 more days till wen's party !!! wheeeeee..... =)

Luck...

went to curve today with joanne & alexiss after college... quite bored.. legs hurting... send a sorry msg to kc today.. he din reply as expected... i give him a call jus now at bout 7.35.. he did pick up but he din say anyting.. or maybe its not him... but the point is someone pick up.. close down after he din say anyting... call back but he din pick up dy... =( Neway, gona go his shop tmw & settle everything.. hopefully it will be ok again.. wish me luck.. going to wen's hse now...

Tears....

Too much tears had been shed for the past few months..
Call me cry baby, childish or emo if u wan..
but i jus cant help it..
when u r feeling the way im feelings, u would ...
Some say it's jus small matters but u wont understand..
When it happens to u, then u would not say tat...
Or maybe im jus too negative..
I cant seem to stay positive...
Im getting more and more negative every day... Seriously...
I duno whether izit bad or jus a part of human cycle...
i can feel tears at the corner of my eyes now...
Dam.. !!! My blogs are getting more and more depressed...
sori..cant help it...
no one cant help me settle this things...
I felt that my tears had been used up...
There are no more tears for me to shed but yet my emotionally and mentally, i can feel the tears
& the pain...
the pain of as if u are losing ur half...
exxagerating ?? ....
im not sure whether im in a good state to say all this...
If tears are included in love, then wat's so magical bout love?
I cant stand the thought of my tears coming out again...
I feel like crying but i cant..
my tears dun seem to be coming out from my eyes...
maybe like wat i say..
my tears are all dried up...
i seriously need a good cry..
is there anywhere that i can make myself cry ?
i tried watchin a walk to remember and all the others sad movies
but.... it doesn't help...
Tears are ur worst enemies...

If only things would be better again....
If only everything will return to normal...
If only i could turn back times to where all the happy moments are....

but its impossible...
Oh god... i need to cry my heart out in order to feel better....
i do...

Never Had A Dream Come True...

Everybody's got something, they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah

Somewhere in my memory, I've lost all sense of time A
nd tommorow can never be 'cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will,
you know you will, oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
It's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye, no, no, no, no

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you, yeah

Love ...

What is love? Love is a mutual feelings between two person.. It may seem like it so wonderful but in the real world, love is not as magical and wonderful as it seems.. Trust me !! i know it...
There are times when love causes heartache, endless sleepless night, cranky and feelin so negative bout everyting...

Y does loving someone be so hard ?
Y does falling in love seem so magical at 1st but turns sour at the end?
Y falling in love can cause so much pain?

Since young, i thought falling in love is something magical, wonderful...
Yes, it is wonderful.. at the beginning... but when it reach the climax or the end, it does not turns out the way u want...
Y is tat so? No one can escape from this feelings...
Stupid ? yes.. but it is part of our human cycle...
Love is causing everyone pain, heartache, sadness, negative aura,... etc etc...

If i know loving someone is so hard , then i choose not to fall in luv...
But if i dun fall in love, then i won't know the feeling of fallin in luv where ur smiles eems brighter, ur complexion seems clearer, ur cheeks seem pinkier...
I guess falling in love is good if u found the perfect partner...

Love is patient,
Love is not selfish,
Love is something that makes us stronger and yet can makes ur weaker,
Love is wonderful,
Love is around us...

So tell me what is love to you ... ??

problems...

I just clear things off with that guy... & i don't know whether should i feel relieve or sad .. i guess its the best thing to do but my bf is still acting like an asshole... keep call him but he din pick up.. dam freakin piss but haihz.. i guess its normal for his behviour... but i jus hope he can pick up his bloody phone... so that i can call him & talk things through with him.. feelin so moody ... i think im gona fail my maths test today.. din study & i dun even have the mood to do it.. im like screw it lar... whoever say that a relationship doesn't influence ur mood or studies .. well, think again..
It does... !!!

Y loving a person have to be so hard... ?
y cant love be simple ?
If loving a person is so hard, i would rather don't fall in love with him..
Im not regretting that im with him but all i ask for is a simple change..
Pick up my phone when i call.. & dun alwis take me for granted...
Is tat so hard to do it ??
if i can, y cant u ??
This problem is always in my mind ...
cant find a solution for this...
I know im alwis complaining... but....
my whole week spoilt cos of this thing ...
seriously...
aaarrggghhhh ....!!!
I hope by 2nite everyting turns out well...
if not, i will jus have to continue feelin like tis... which i dun wan..
ARGHHHH .....

If & sorry ....

The word if and sorry.. it seems like a simple word but when the word actually aimed at u.. thn u would know how poisonous these words are.. when sumone made a mistake and jus say sorry to u ... does it make any difference at all ? yes, it does makes u feel beta cos u know tat u r still in tat person's heart but if sorry can make everyting alrite again, then the world would be a place tat has no stress & everyone live happily ever after.. i know im bein ironic but... the word if.. when sumone says if i know tis would happen i would not do tis... cum on, get a grip !! how would u know tis ting would happen ? it's not like u can predict future.. if u can, then u would not be makin any mistakes..like now.. i know people made mistakes.. bla bla.. but as long as u realized it then it's ok.. but he doesn't.. all he ever did was saying sorry & if... im sick of these two words.. let me give u a situation.. try to visualize tis.. u r drinking one nite.. & u r speedin like hell ... u bang into sumone cos ur mind is not stable... so wat do u say to the police officers?'sorry tat u bang into the person' ? & u think u can escape from the crime u did ? if u think u can escaped from it so easily, then wats the use of police officers & laws in our country.. ?? oh god.. im getting more & more depressed .. dam... need 2 do sum yoga =)

Decisions....

Another monday blues... feelin so bloated.. hate my body.. feel dam fat... feeling so freakin moody tat i can chew a person's head off... feel like goin out yum cha wif my frens but a lot of assignment...

I have decided....
I have made up my mind....
I have find the solution to my prob...

but....
i duno whether i have made the right decision..
i know its not right to cheat on ur bf or have an affair behind his back...
& im not doin it anymore... im clearing things on wif that guy..
BUT... i duno.. i feel that he is taking me for granted...
We been 2gether for like years if u minus the break-ups =P ...
There are times i dun appreciate him but overall i do appreciate him...
But... the but word again..
I feel so hurt at times.. the way he treating me..
as if im like a freakin doll..
if he wans me,then he will call me or find me..
if he dun, then i will be put aside.. collecting dust..
He can have his own frens.. i dun mind.. because i have my own as well..
When i have decided tat it is better to stick back to my old relationship, then probs arises..
He's not picking up my call again.. which is quite often.. so im used to it..
He's having his mood swings now...
do guys even have mood swings??

If only he be a better person...
If only he treats me better....
If only he dun takes me for granted...

but i know it wont happen... Y ??
Y do i alwis get lousy bfs ? when all my frens bfs are so dam sweet & romantic...
I guess i just have to keep sacrificing & pretend as if i duno anyting inorder to make this relationship work...
but im dam tired for alwis be the one sacrifice...
everytime he ask me to go out at nite wif him... i go even thoug i got assignments & im grounded...
Everytime he dun have cash, i borrow him.. yes,i do..cos i feel so cham for him..
im not counting who sacrifice more...
im jus saying tat if i can go out of way to do tis for him, y cant he ?
& he got all the freedom tat he needs... he got a car.. so transportation would be no prob for him..
but ....
haihzz... wateva.... im alwis depressed bout all this thing...
Nvm... cant wait for tis sat...
It's wen's Bday party .... =)

Another Sunday...

My weekend was quite boring.. supposed to go out late at nite wif my frens to yum cha.. but in d end it doesnt turns out.. cos i got millions assignment tat im supposed to finish.. ARghh.. !! d lesson i learn? never leave ur assignments to the end.. but i manage to finish it on sun morning.. Oh.. i watch flight plan today wif wen... we had to sit 3rd row from the screen.. it was ok but this idiot behind us ovbiously had the idea of telling his date what happen at every scene... argh... spoilt my mood .. i was so tempted to turn around & ask him to keep quiet.. but i din.. obviously... im a civilized girl.. =P LOL... din buy anyting during the weekend.. oh wait, i did buy sumting.. a top from topshop.. freaking cheap.. RM 23... cheap rite ?? cant resist it ... =) Got into a fight with jason & kc... Was feelin so dam piss the whole nite... Both of them spoilt my day man... arghh... went to curve for dinner.. still feelin dam piss even though i know tat i can see my cute guy... my feet were hurting.. cos of this pumps tat i wore.. it's damm cute.. but it jus hurt my feet... Went to his his shop in curve... got my newspaper article from him.. he was quite busy tat time but i dun care.. i jus walk in & grab it & ciao... I guess my face must be so black & down tat he & every1 even th e customer notice it.. Dam 'pai seh' cos every1 was like askin me, "are u alright' ? "Wat happen?" ...wateva... but the best part was he fetch me go yum cha after tat... & d worst part? i cried in front of him.. i was feelin so down & emo at tat time.. seriously... He was dam shocked... wateva... Finally, manage to cal kc after callin him so many times... had a huge fight over the phone... He is so not understanding.. wateva.. close him down when my cute guy called me... Kc msg me tellin me he was so disappointed tat i could close him down when other guy call me.. wateva larr.. quite hurt at his actions... *sigh*

Best Frens for life ... !!!

me & wen ni... my babe... my closest fren since form2 .. ppl alwis confused our names... alwis called me wen ni & called her wei san.. we are not tat alike ! =P & we it is a coincidence that we both wearing red top inside this pic .. luv u babee... thanx for alwis dere for me, listening to my problems.. even when im being such a bitch, u still treat me as ur closest fren... hugsssss... muakxxx... XOXO =)

Another pics of me & wen in Breakers... & we are not wearing the same skirt.. it looks the same but mine is nicer... LOl ..haha.. dun kill me wen... !! =P

Joanne, my closest fren in college.. one of my bitch clan =) Luv ya alot.. hugsss..
thanx for alwis be dere for me... & yea, we should stop bitching bout ppl dy.. LOL *innocent eyes*

Depression.. goodbye lil crush..

If life will only go ur way everytime, then my glass would be full by now.. but sad to say, life is jus not like tat.. the glass would alwiz be either half-empty or totally empty.. Everything is going in the opposite direction..

I never thought that this could happen... but it did..

Life is surreal..

All i wish know wat everything would jus og away.. & leave me in peace...
I cant stand the thoughts anymore..
Jus when u r getting excited about the crush, everything changed..

You know you have to let it go when it is time to let it go..
You cant hold on to it even though how much u want to...
You know the time to let this crush go when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to..
You know that it's time to back to your old routine...

but i jus cant seem to not think bout it..
It gives me hopes...
It give me see the light of the world..
but i guess the fate is not with me at this moment..

"Jus not think bout it & let it go"
Easier to say than actually doing it... If u keep telling yourself tat, then maybe one day you will be ok..
one day, you will forget bout it..
but jus not today.. nor tmw or the day afta tat..
it will be a long time for it to happen but it can happen..

But jus dun tell me no to think bout it because it is not easy to do tat..
it's like your wounds.. u know you are not supposed to touch it but yet you keep touching it..
because all you think about it, why cant i touch it..
it willl heal anyway.. yes, it will but when you touched it, it would take longer time to heal..

I feel that im sinking into the black hole..
getting deeper and deeper...
hopefully i would be able to get out of it & start feelin fresh again..

Oh god.. Now i know wat people meant that it is better to keep the old wan as it is where you can count on..
the new wan might be exciting but it is where you cant count on.. it's jus a ship full of suprises..once the suprises have run out, then it will be over..

Good-bye little crush...
it was fun for a while..
but it is time to end it once and for all..
It is time for reality..
Time to get my arse back to the old routine..
Hopefully, everything will be better for the past few days..
If not, there is always food.. alcohol... & clubs...

Mood Swings...

Y is tis always happen to me ? Kah Choon did not pick up my call again.. !! Seriously dam piss man.. Y is he always like tat? is he retarded or sumting like tat? sorry if i sound rude or harsh but if u r in my situation, u would feel tis way too !! I mean cum on... he's not small kid.. he's 20 for god sake !! cant he be more mature? Alwis break promise.. Which lead to why i have a crush on someone else.. It's cos i feel so insecure and he is treatin me like shit.. always takin me for granted... a gal needs to be pamper at times and not always the gal who pampered the guy.. im already feelin so stress cos i have millions of assignment tat's due tis week & yet he cant even be there for me!! Im not asking for more.. all i want is jus tat u be there for me when i need u too.. tat's all... & he cant even do tat for me... yes, he's nice but sumtimes i want sumone tat pampered me.. someone who always be there for me.. & call when he say he will.. i really need tat type of guy... Oh for god sake, im feelin so piss rite now tat i dun have the mood to do my assignment.. Screw it.. im goin out yum cha now...

Wonderfull & crazy night....

24 September 2005... I would never forget this date.. I would remember it forever as memory is only wat i have... He fetch me from my hse yesterday nite... & OHMIGOD ... his RoOm is so Freakin nice !! SEriously... went to his condominuim after he pick me up... & no.. dun even start thinkin nonsense.. he wanted to take a bath before goin out.. So we went to his condominium in kelana jaya.. His dog is so cute... !! so active but yet so quiet at times... Let me describe his room... If im not mistaken, it's purple in color... it's not like those girly purple... I cant realy describes the color but it had different colors on each wall.. Jus like my room =) His room is so IKEA-ish ... & oh god.. his lighting is so nice.. classis but yet elegant... Fall in luv with his room.. oh not forgetting the curtain ...is so freakin nice ... we went down kl... not to clubs of cos.. basically we jus sit in the car & drive around kl ... We pass by all the clubs in kl.. dam!! feel like goin in when i saw the clubs.. but he dun like clubbing =( which is y we left kl to go wangsa maju to eat a late supper... =) YUMM !!! *-) & then we drove all the way up to genting.. tat t ime was 1 plus in the morning... Crazy? yes... but fun =) Reach in bout half an hour... He drove like mad.. Oh God !! When i get down from the car, i was hit by a super super cold breeze... & both of us aren't even dress up for genting.. we were wearin our yum cha casual clothes.. Super super super cold !!! OMG !!My teeth was chattering & i cant even tok properly & clearly.. Walk around 1st world hotel & highlands hotel.. Thn went yum cha in coffee bean.. Guess wat we drank ? Ice-Blended Drinks.. haha... & we even had ice-cream in baskin robbins .. hahaaa... we drove down back to pj bout 3plus & reach pj at 4plus in the morning... He drop me in ming tien so i can met up wif jason.. Jason was late !!!!! Stupid idiot... but neway, we were staying inside the car & erm.. tok =P heheee ... the rest is for me to keep it inside my mind & for u guys to guess... hahahaa .. but it was a wonderfull night... fill wif sweet, crazy & stupid tings we did... but there is jus one ting tat caught in between us... which is...........

Another Boring Day...

It's Sat.. but guess wat? i have class! it's supposed to replace one of the class tat got cancelled during the hazy.. Arghh !! Im inside the class supposed to be researching my assignment but i dun care.. im bored to death... Bored=blogging =) Yippee !! Cant wait for my class to end which is 2.15.. OMG !! I think im gona jus go in my last class & take my attendance & leave.. i cant stand it anymore.. so freakin tired.. & i cant sleep last nite.. i only slept at 3.30 am last nite... og godd..rolling& tosting on my bed til 3 am... my eyes are closing by itself... =S Tis 'guy' told me bout his relationship yesterday.. He told me wat he did for the galfren & yet the galfren dun appreciate him.. if i have him as my boyfren, i would appreciate him like hell.. He would buy anything the galfren ask for even if it means that he would starve for the next few weeks.. If the galfren call him in the middle of the nite & complain tat she's hungry, he would buy food for her no matter where she is.. He let his own galfren go out wif any guys tat she wan even if it's her ex boyfren... but yet she dun appreciate him.. haihz..sum ppl have the luck but dun appreciate it.. Look at my boyfren.. im the one who alwis sacrifice for him.. i had sacrificed so much for him but wat i get in return? noting.. im not askin for a lot of tings such as askin him to get me diamond, house, car etc etc... but at least he treat me good... have u ever wait for ur boyfren for more than 3 hour in a shopping complex alone? he din call u to tell u tat he will be late nor pick up ur phone when u cal him... Well, i have.. & tis happens to me a lot of times.. not once or twice but more than 10 times.. im serious.. & im still wif him.. being so patient... there are times tat i feel tat maybe our relationship shoud not begin in the 1st place... but past is past... jus when im getting excited to blog, i have to leave the library... time for the next class... *yawN* =/

sleepy, idiotic boyfren...

An advice for all u gals out dere.. neva eva get a boyfren that is 4eva sleeping and an asshole! Don't u jus hate it when u call ur bf a million times & yet he din even freaking pick up his bloody idiot handphones. yes, handphone wif a S. Screw him man.. im seriously freakin piss now.. wat's his FREAKING PROBLEM? It's dam bloody irritating when u hv to call both of his hps & yet he still ignore it.. wat's the use of handphone sif he dun even bloody pick up his call.. WTF !! My battery had becum from fullbar till battery low and he still did not pick up his phone... F**** him man..

Confused... Guilty...

woke up today with a BIG smile on my face.. Eventhough my left eye is freakin pain for no reason.. or maybe for a reason but i don't know wat izit.. I woke tis special fren of me tis morning & he sounds so dam cute when he was sleeping.. make my heart melts at the sound of his sleepy voice... awwww... hehee... Had a cold tis morning when i woke up.. Reach college bout 7.45 & he called me at 7.50.. Thank god im not inside class yet.. if not, i wont be able to pick up his call.. =P He was so concerned bout me, askim me 2 take care & must eat my cold medicine =) Oh god.. im having crisis now.. in dilemma... I kinda got a crush on him.. but im stil wif my bf.. i duno whether im still in luv wif my bf.. i wana break up wif him but im not sure whether it's the right choice/ decision.. ohgawd ! i need help... wat should i do ? im not sure whether is tis jus a crush and it will go away afta a few weeks.. oh god.. im so flirty.. & yes i admit im flirty.. & bitchy... but im nice at times.. hehe.. im feelin guilty rite now.. for treating my bf tis way but i cant help it.. im getting bored wif our 3year relationship.. it's so predictable.. & i had sacrifice so much for him.. & yet he dun appreciate me ... im not saying it will be all his fault that i got a acrush on tat guy.. i have my faults too but.. rite now, im so freakin confused... oh gawd..

MooD SwinGs ...

Today supposed to be a good day because i thought everyting is gona turns out well but i cant assume everything will go my way jus cos 1 thing goes well.. damm.. feelin so freakin moody today.. fight wif my bf.. He supposed 2 cum to my college today but he din.. & u know wat makes me so freakin piss? is he dun even bother to tell me tat he's not cuming.. WTF !! Arghh... im so dam fucking piss now... i cant belif it... It hurts me so much tat he can do tis to me... wateva.. & to make matter worse.. the guy i had a crush on din even msg me ... ARGHH !!! I cant wait for today to end... WTF !!

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