Hidden..

The past weekend was quite an emotional weekend for me.

Like super emotional. =(

Literally breakdown at every single thing.

Halfway doing my work also got tears.

Too much burdens =(

Smile to hide the fears and laugh to hide the tears.


But am fine now. Learn to appreciate what I have and be grateful about it =)
And still learning to differentiate my "wants" and "needs" =)

How do you de-stress yourself? :)
I head to the gym because retail is too painful for me :p
*paying own bills* =(

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Hello 2012!

A brand new year!

Time to bid 2011 good bye and welcoming 2012.

Wouldn't say I am too excited nor too pessimist about 2012.

Just normal :) Life goes on! :)

2011 was a year with ups and downs. I would say mostly ups! :)

Managed to make the 'rents proud :)

And of course got closer to some of my girlfriends. :)

Of course, emotional downfalls will always be there! :)

Spent more time with the families and of course earning and surviving on my own two feets.

Gah. Bills :(

Nevertheless, cheers to another brand new year! :)

Bring it on 2012.

Be nice to me :)

Bye 2011 :)

Next post! Resolutions! :D

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untitled...

I miss Melbourne.

Having my weekend routine with Jassy .

And eating supper and complained fat after.

Wish I can fly to Melbourne now but...

这么多的责任 !!!

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As the adage goes...

During the year of 2010..

So many things and events had happened, and I would say that I've changed.

For better or for worse, I wouldn't judge myself. 

A recall of my behaviors, I realized I have this bad attitude, where i withdraw myself from the world whenever my confidence level drops to -ve!

And lately for the past two weeks my confidence level had indeed from +ve to -ve :(

With so many things happened, I wouldn't know how to gain my confidence level back.

Hence, the hibernating :(

Although I'm always cheerful and optimistic, deep down *emotionally* I'm not that cheerful.

Till then, hibernation :(

A happy cuppa to good through the day.

Because smile is always better than tears.

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Silence...

I want to tell you "Hey I made it. I think you will be hell proud of me. Although I took a little longer than usual but I did it. I made you proud"

But it will always be left unsaid.
A glimpse of your proud look?

I would't know..

Silence may be golden but unspoken words might not be a good thing.

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Captivate me.

True love exists when you and your other half weigh the pros and cons of each consequences of each action.

And you are willing to compromise, eventhough comprimising is not your strengths.

I had yet willing to sacrifice and compromise that much for anyone.

I see friends around me changed into someone better, of course.

Compromising the other half and it seems to make them happier.

I see friends going strong in a LDR = Long Distance Relationship.

And one willing to move to across country for the other person.

Even if all his/her life is here.

What makes a relationship successful is..

Compromise.

Trust.

Love.

It seems easy with these three words.

But doing it it's the hardest.

It is not easy compromising when you lack of trust, and when you dont trust your other half, you will love less.

Compromising + Trust = Love

Patience is virtue (:



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Cut..

A small cut.

But cut and wound are not on how big or small it is.

It's on how deep the wound is.

Small but deep wound stays longer than anything.

Cut like a wound can leaves a scar.

A scar that you will never forget.

 

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This week has been crazy! I've had disappointment after disappointment after disappointment. Everytime something good tries to peek through the huge FOG of disappointment it gets suffocated.

Someone once said that there are 2 things in life that you absolutely cannot take back. The first one would be time and the second is the words that you have spoken out loud..

After days of blaming everything around me for the drama that has been plaguing my life I have gone a full circle and ended up with no one but myself to blame.

If only time stops when you're truly happy...

I wish that memories could remain stagnant and that nothing we did in the future could ever taint them.If I hadn't done what I did would we both be here today?
Where do I go from here?
Damn you memories..

I'm exhausted .... exhausted by every single thing that's around me..
I wish that i don't have to understand everything..
I wana be understood and not understanding every single thing around me...
But it's not even possible.. It's as if im present to understand everything and tried to make it perfect for them..... whY? wHY ME ? i always asked myself this question.. a question that i know i couldnt find an answer to..

Sometimes memories are just memories.. or so they said..
Pictures are just pictures.... IS it so ? im feeling it..
I thought it doesnt have anything to do with anything...
But at times, when I'm feeling down and just had a bad day, I'm feeling it...
Gosh... i hate myself for feeling it...
I hate myself for the crazy thoughts in my head.. thoughts that are driving me crazy everytime i think about it.
But i cant get it out from my head.. Maybe im thinking too much........
From day 1 onwards, i had yet to find out about it........But i cant bring myself to ask about it...
I cant bring myself to find out the truth........
Truth hurts.. yes..
Maybe partly because of that, im afraid... im afraid to find out what's the real truth.....
The truth behind all these crazy and sadistical thoughts..
But somehow i know I would like to know about it... it's just a matter of when im daring enough to ask about it..

What i wish now is that i could go somewhere far away and just forget about everything..
The stress im having, the books, the things I'm expected to do and not what I want to do, the crazy thoughts......
It's impossible... it's just a nice dream that been playing in my mind.
I want to be happy for the things i have.. I am..
But I cant... I'm not what everyone thinks i am to be..
I'm different...
All i want now is to know about the stuff i been thinking about for the past few weeks...
I just need to be reassure that it will be alright eventho it's just a lie..
I always repeat my mistakes..
Mistakes that im supposed to learn and not to do the same thing all over again...
Disappointment never fails to wipe off the smile off my face..
I just hate it...
i hate every single dam thing that i need to do...
I hate the dam things i keep reassure myself.. and not the other party that assure me....
I hate the dam thing that make me feel emotional inside out..
I hate the dam me that always scared to ask about it.......
I hate the dam people that always put me in postion that makes me feel guilty.

I'm so afraid to talk about this to anyone...
Because i know i will break down when i talk about this... and also because i really dont know how to talk to them about this 'thing'..

I know some said i'm a bitch for doing some stuff... but you know what? i have my reasons...
I'm just scared.. I am... i never thought i would admit it..
But I am scared..... i am scared of what's gona happen ..
I watch what everything i do/did..
Because i know one false moves, im back to square one.........
Which i really dont want it to happen.......
Back to square one means starting all over again........
Some guys or even girls want what they cant have...
Want what that's out of their reach...
But why ? Temptation it seems...
Yea, whatever.... Temptations are just temporarily satisfaction..
Not to most people i know..
But to me, i know what i want and what i am supposed to do........
It's just that, a small obstacles is blocking me from every single god dam things....
A small obstacles that work like a wall between me and him........
If we both think differently, it's better to be in a different way now before everything goes too deep.....
Words are just words without prove..
Gestures are just gestures without any actions..
Like they said, Actions speak louder than words...


I just want to know..........
I just want you to assure me...
I dont want to see you walk out from my door..
I dont want to live in a life that's full of lies....

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Saying good-bye is most probably the hardest thing to me... because to me saying good-bye can have alot of meaning.. we can bid good-bye to our old relationship, our old self, etc etc.. sometimes when you dont want to say good-bye but you know you had to... you just had to..

When your friend leaves, you feel sad because you couldnt call her/him every night whenever you have something in your mind that you want to get out of it...
But what if the person that's leaving you is someone very special/close to you, in other words, your other half...no doubt you will feel that as if you lost your the other half..

my friend asked me," do i believe in long-distance relationship?"
" im not sure "
i hesitate to answer her because im unsure.. i believe that in a relationship, if both partners believe in each other and trust each other, it will work out... but....
after been through some stuffs...
after seeing my friends crying because of their long-distance relationship..
after some of my friends telling me, it definitely wont work out because both of you guys are miles part..
my perceptions changed a little....
everyone has different opinions on this.. some belif.. some dont...
but to me .... im not sure...if you were to ask me why i said im not sure? because i really dont...

im scared...hence the im not sure answer...
i dont want to imagine the consequences or what's gona happen, so dont ask me whether i believe in long-distance relationship...
i want to know it as well because i remembered being in a sort of long distance relationship and it doesnt work no matter how hard i try to make it work....
most of my friends had long-distance relationship and most of it doesnt turn out well.. all ended painfully.........

Do you believe in long-distance relationship and do you think it can work out?
because i really dont know.. my brain is poison by those who dont believe it...
so if you believe in it, change the way im thinking...............

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Sometimes it's better for me to express myself in words than to verbally talk to express myself..
Because when i express myself verbally, i cant bring the words that i want to say..
Reading Cynthia's blog make me think about what's the real me...
Sometimes i dont even know.. am i different in somebody's eyes?
OR am i the same in everyone's eyes?
When he said he looks at you differently, does he mean it ?
When he said you are different from the rest, you realized that you wouldnt care what other people think about you because you know you are different in that person's eyes..
You know that person believe in you..
You know that person is gona be there for you, gona go down the road that's full with insecurities with you..
And you feel safe.. warm... secure... happy...
But you wonder, what makes you different than what he sees in others? how can he possibly see it when everyone doesnt?
I know the moment he gets close, at times i pull back...
maybe cos of the....things... i went through....
i fear... im afraid...... im scared... im vulnerable..
Im sensitive to what happen.. i am... but sometimes people misunderstand your sensitive-ness and misinterpret it as something else... something that can trigger a person's feelings/mood.
When i feel too comfortable in that certain path, what if it backfired ? what if you thought the person that can sees you differently is just lying? is just toying with you from the beginning?
I give my trust... i give it fully.. because if i dont, whats the use of he seeing you in a different way...
What is happiness ?
Happiness is when I see couples love each other even though they have fought many times or given each other the 'silent treatment' but still see them stay faithful and committed to each other.

I believe happiness is obtain when you know he sees you differently.. he believes in you.. he trusted you.. he sees the real you and you can be yourself, which include being childish in front of him.. not afraid to cry in front of him because you know he will hold you when you cry, he will tells you everything it's alright even tho both of you know that a simple sentence is not the way to everything..You are not afraid to tell him whats on your mind... you go to him when you got problem and both of you worked it .. when you know he trust you at any circumstances... also, he knows you are sad even tho you said you are feeling alright cos he can sees thru u.. he knows when you are jus acting strong when you are feeling weak at tat time.. and happiness is when you know he can be your mate, best fren, girl fren, guy fren and study partner at any time..... a simply gesture that most people might think that's no big deal can put a smile on your face........that's happiness to me... happiness is not when he had to buy you expensive stuff to cheer you up.. or he brings you somewhere expensive..... it's when you and him sitting on the park, looking at the twinkling stars and just talk whatever that comes into your mind........ or having picnic outside your house, on the porch... or celebrating the duration of time you guys together by being with each other, doing nothing on your anniversary but you have each others company.. that's all it matters...

Sometimes it might look safe and secure, but there's hidden obstacles that you cant see .. and when it happens, it's impact it so strong that you will end up thinking maybe you should be a different person and act differently........

Thinking back the memories i had with....

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Im sitting in front of computer thinking about stuff..
Stuff that i wished it would never happen..
I been recalling some stuff for the whole day today..
Listening to emo songs does not help either.
I been thinking what i really want..And i still dont know..
I have doubts on people's trust..
I have negative thoughts on people because sometimes looks can be decieving..
I feel that it's better not letting anyone know too much details about yourself including those that's close to you..

I know it's a bad habbit of mine to sometimes have doubts on people..But sometimes you cant trust anyone but yourself.Some girls said," but you can trust your girlfriends/your special one"
I once trusted those two categories... but end up falling into the black hole.. i know it's prejudice.. and i must changed the way im thinking about all this... at times, i did it..i trusted those that i felt can be trusted... but at times, im thinking that if trusting someone is so easily, then why is there people crying over betrayal.. crying over their broken-heart.. crying over empty promises..
Communication is the key to everything... I agree but it depends on how you are using it..some abuse the used of communication... and some cant grasp the idea of communicating...
I communicate with my friends easily.......But at times, i felt that it's hard to talk about certain issues.. issues that I know I want to find the answers to.. but i cant bring myself to ask it.. ask the questions... There are a number of things i wana find out.. but i cant bring myself to ask the answers... i hate it... i vow that i must change to be someone that are not afraid of asking..
Because asking is a way to make things clear... to state about certain stuff.. and some stuff need to be stated... need to be clear before moving on to a next stage...
And im still thinking on how to ask it.. asking the things that i want to know..
Or maybe it's not important at all... the things i want to know..
but still i cant get it out from my mind....
maybe i should just errrmmmm ... nvm...

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Im not even in the mood to go out anymore..
I saw an ad showing that Topshop seasons sales starts on 13 july, and i was like, "Oh wuteva."
Going shopping on Tuesday in Sunway Pyramid will most probably be the last time im gona shop for the month of July.
I did had fun in Genting yesterday (minus the part where we miss our bus)..
Good company.. great ambience.. cold air...
But i couldnt bring myself to enjoy that much..
Im thinking bout my freakinggg unfair results most of the time im there..
Sighss..
Yesterday, Elaine asked me to Laundry... and at first i so wana go but thinking bout my results kinda spoilt my mood.. sorrii babee !!
And today pirates of the carribean 2 is release.. and im not even excited about it.. before that, i was so freaking excited about it.. im waiting for that day to arrive..
But now? all i want to is jus stay at home, stay in my room and mourn about it..
I disappoint my parents for putting so much hopes for me..
I envy those that get good grades..
I hate myself for not trying hard enough..
I fell sad for myself..
First time ever, Kat is not interested in Mega Sales or going out..
Fcukk ler....
Im just so gona weep and mourn...
Yess, im emo over small lil things but it is big to me..
so like what KeL said, to those fakers, dun even try to act fake in front of us.. cos we aint gona take it anymore..

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The fark up-ness of my life..
On wednesay, when i called KeL to talk to her cause it's been awhile since i talked to her, she answer me by giving me the worst news of all.
Result's out..
My heart actually stop beating for one second..
My palms got so freaking sweaty..
My heart drop a mile..

Jason did the checking for me as i couldnt face to check it..
He checked and when he told me what i got,
Im like, "FARKKKKKKing HELL..."
I dont even wana mention my results here..
And to those that are spreading me and my friends not so grand results, please fark off..
Seriously..
Dont give me the line of concerning about us, its fcukking bullshit k..
Yess, i screwed up my grades in Monash..
Yess, im not the only one who screwd up...
Am i supposed to say woo hoo ?? or yay ? wtf..
I thought i can do better..
All the late night study..
All the trips down to the library..
All the hard effort..
Gone down the drain..
I dont get what the hell monash is thinking...
And the result's out on wed not tues..Usually bad things happen on Tues but not other day..
It;s so freakingg unfair.. i think it is.. Dam disappointed... WHY ? WHY ? WHY ME ??
Maybe like what KeL said, you need to go thru some stuff to realize some stuff..
Maybe Monash is not the place for me as well..
Im not giving up.. i dont give up that easily.. but sometimes when God shows you the way..
You cant accept it.. and even my dad said the same thing.. and usually he wont said such things no matter how bad my grades ar.. First time ever in my 19 years of life, he said that if i dont feel like studying in Monash anymore, maybe i should change..
And maybe he's right, my dad i mean.. maybe Monash its not the right place for me..
No doubt Monash is a good uni.. a well-known Uni... but not everyone can be succesful in Monash..Some score good even if they are not in monash...
I hate business course anyway.. i do.. Since high school, im interested in pursuing Hotel and Tourism Management or Media program or Mass Communication..
And talking to KeL make me emo... Im so gona miss you KeL... no matter where you are, you will still be special to me.. arghh... emo emo... dun ever make me cry again with your emo talk..
I still cant accept the fact that i get such results... its farking disappointing you know..
And im still deciding whether to stay in monash or change..
Wee, i hope monash office burn down as well ... so they had to remark and stuff like that..
Fark Monash lar..seriously..

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Cold sweat...
Disappointment all over me..
WHY ?? WHY ?
WHY ME??
WHY THE FUCK HAVE TO BE ME ??
I dont get it ...
WhY THE FUCK MONASH HAVE CERTAIN FAILURE PERCENTAGE ???
WHAT the Fuck is wrong with MONASH ?
Arghh... fcukk monashh..
Life is so freaking unfair.......
Gosh...
My freaking monash result is out ...
FCUKK IT LAR ...
SERIOUSLY..........
I dont even know how the fuck they mark the papers?
And what herder thing ?
Fark it larr...
It's dam freaking unfair ...
Dam unfair...
DAM UNFAIR ..........
WHY THE FUCK HAVE TO BE ME ?
WHY ??
Screw every single ting lar...
Monash is a fucked-up place ...
seriouslyyy...
KeL.. *hugs*
we will go thru it ... :) love u lots :)

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Yesterday was spent in my friend, Jean's house..
She was feeling uber down because of a HUGE fight with her darling..
Sighs.. Guys nowadays can be a pain in the ass at times ..
She was crying like mad :((
But the weirdest part bout her is that when she's emo or mad or sad, she cook!
Yesss... not cooking maggie mee kinda cook..
She started off by making some French toast tingy..
Then, she made lasagna..
Then, she made pasta..
Then, chicken salad..
Then, bake chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake ...
Gosh.. i wonder who's gona finish all these fattening foods -_"
But me helping her cook was a blast..
As you all know, i like cooking..
I lurveee cooking..
It's just that i dont cook at home cos my parents are so afraid to try the food i cook -_"
Not like i will poison them..
Gosh...
I thought she will be better after cooking all the foods but she still feel so emo..
And we started talking about emo stuff ...
And she started telling me what her darling did..
It got me thinking about some stuff..
And both of us emo -_""
Guess who end up finishing up all the foods?
me and her and her bf...
Yea, they did made up at the end..
Cos i cant stand her crying anymore and i called the bf and asked him to come over eventho she denied that she hate him and dont want to see his blardy face anymore(yes, her words).
But i know she wants to see him..
Kathryn the match maker =P
Anyway, i called her bf, which is my ex bf, good fren which bcome my good fren as well..
weird? hehee ...
and he came over and did the talking and stuff..
and they live happily ever after..
i love happy ending...
i love seeing couples happy :)
But sometimes guys are just TOO BLUR to realized stuff..
To make things alright..
*rolls eyes*
I came home feeling dam full and there goes my waistline =P
I came home happily but... but... something came up again./...
Arghhh.. i hate it wheyyy..
Make me emo again...
wtf... wtf...
i dam hate it when things occured but some people just dont realized it eventho the prob is coming from them.........
wtf..
Not only that, but im not sure whether they are pretending to ignore the problem or the fact that they really dont know about it ?
Sometimes i really dont understand ...
SERIOUSLY FREAKING DONT UN !
Oh well... i guess i had to forget about it..

Anyway, today was a suprising day..
Went to JW Marriot for high tea with KC sis and oso 1 of his fren...
The foods was awesome.. I tried every single thing there and i end up too full again..
The awesome part was KC sis know one of the chef there and there are few chefs cooking some kinda food..
So we got chef cooking food for us........ :)
ok not technically cooking for us only but still..
How many guys nowadays can cook?
And no, not cooking maggi mee, or fried eggs or cooking white rice those kinda thing..
As in real meal..
I doubt so..
hehe
Guys cooking are just dam hot :)
KeL, remember Aaron the naked chef ?? =Pp
Guys should learn to cook !! :))
It's such a nice feeling when guys cook for you..
:)
We talked for ages about stuff..
And both of them asking me about KC stuff..
-_""
There's nth much i can answer them...
Oh well...
At a point, it was kinda akward..
But i talked to them about everything ..
I feel better..
Much more better till i overeat AGAIN :(
hehe..
Im feeling better...
:)
Happier :)
Fatter :( :)
hahaha.........
And i found out that buffalo is the silliest animal on earth..
LoLz...
Trust me..
:)
Till then.. nitez ppl..

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I'm bored and emo...
I'm dam emo...
I was sposed to meet KeL, Von, Sab, Justin, Way in 1u this afternoon..
But cause i got some 'stuff' that happened to me...
I cant make it..
Sorrri KeL and Von...
I hate being emo..
So many stuff are happening but so little time to handle it.
Alrite... i kinda exaggerate a lil but still, i'm not sure what's my final decision..
Me myself is freaking confused..
Confused on the fact that (..................................................................)
Im tossing in my bed every night thinking about my decisions.
Im not sure in the first place my decisions are right or isit wrong.
Im trying to think that i should give chances..
Because you never know what might happen with one lil chance you give to the person..
But..But..
I'm thinking that maybe what i did what wrong..
Maybe i shouldnt even let myself be in this situation..
I'm not sure what to feel at the moment.
Different feelings of guilt, sadness and depression have been sinking in since late last night.
Its so weird how you can never be closer to anyone else in the world and the next, you barely know each other anymore.
I know I'm the one who should be blamed for this.
Maybe I didnt fight enough.
Maybe I should have tried harder.
But maybe it was meant to be even though I dont want it to.
It was difficult for me to make a decision.
Cos no matter what, everyone will get hurt.
Oh God...
I dont know whether should i go along with what i had decided or just to resolve things?
A part of me thought the decision will be the best for everyone..
But yet, another part of me is ignoring it and thought it will be selfish to do so..

Am i being selfish if i go ahead with what i have in mind?
Am i being thoughtless about those person around me if i go ahead with it?
Am i hurting those that really care bout me if i go ahead with it?
Do those that said they care, REALLY care?
Should i trust what anyone said?or should i not anymore?
Is trust really that important anymore?
Should i just ignore everything and go ahead with it?

Im off to the clinic now..
Medicine is really a nightmare to me now...
Heads pounding, throat uber painful, coughing like mad, body aching..
shuckkss........

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There was no point crying over something that wasnt really happening..
If you wish to please everyone, you'll end out pleasing no one..
It's a well-known phrase..
Sometimes don't you wish that you could just ignore everything..
And just be fcuking selfish ?
At times, i really wish i can be dam selfish and just do my own thing without caring about people's feelings...
But then, i would be categorize as selfsih, self-centered or wuteva u guys would label me as...
I know i cant.....
Alrite.. im freaking emo now..
I dont know why...
Maybe cause of ( ).....
Dont you have the feelings when everything is going against you?
Every single little thing you do annoyed the hell out of you..
And you felt that you cant do anything right?
Well.......... im having that feeling right now...
An annoying little voice inside me telling me... STUFFs.....
I hate it.....
The feeling of me uncapable of doing anything is killing me...
I tried to be strong.....
And yesss, i may look strong.....
But inside me im fragile, vulnerable....
Yesss... i admit.....
Im just like any other normal human....
I cant be strong all the times....
I tried to be ....but i failed ...
Im exhasuted of trying to be strong........
I aint no pretenders.....
I just said what i am feeling it without hurting others...
But when i do state what i feel, people will be like,
" wtf is wrong with me today.. PMS or something like tat"
wtf.....
The thing that i feel sad the most is the fact that im trying my very best to please everyone but still...
They are giving me the disappointed stare....
wtf.....
It's hard.....
At times, i feel like an outcast.....
I do....

Lesson of the day:
Never give out trust too easily..
Im not saying dont trust anyone.....
It's just that when you trust a person too much, you will end up getting bite twice...
Sighsss ...........
Im not sure wheyyyyy.........

Blame.......
putting the blame or blaming others ........
which one is worse ??

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Lesson for the day: Never make promises.
I'm not talking about little ones like promising your kid sister you'll take her to see Barney on Ice or promising your mom you'll mow the lawn.
I'm talking about those other promises.
The ones you make in the heat of the moment.
The ones you make under delusions of love.
The ones some people think of as written in blood.

Empty promises are your basic nightmare....
Why bother making promises when you know you not keeping it ?

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In your life, there's this study that is known as character study.....
Character study is when u study the behaviour and characteristics of a person..
Including yourself...
There are times when you tell yourself it is better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else you are not....
And that's way you usually do..
You learn that you just have to be true to yourself...
That's all you need in your life..
But for the past few weeks, you learnt that being true to yourself is not enough..
People will just take a look at you and laugh...
Laugh at the silliness ........
I felt that the crazier you act, the worse you feel..

You spend lucnh time, watching those people pass by you..
Studying their character..
The way they behave..
You envy them for the carefree life...
You envy the girls because of their confidence..
You envy the guys for their friendship with each other...

And you realized that living life to the fullest is not enough.....
It's never enough....

You watch shows that makes you cry, not cos you adore all these shows..
it's cause you want to feel better after crying........
You watch horror movie because you want to hug that special someone of yours.......
You watch love shows because you feel that the shows always end up happily ever after..
Something you want but unable to get it..

You want to forget about it..
You want to forgive and forget..
But its not that easy..
You can forget about it
But the memories are still here.........
Everywhere you go, you remember it.......
You remember what and when you guys did at that certain place.......

You walked away feeling that the devil in you defeated you..
You feel worse..
But you just kept it to yourself..
Becasue you wouldnt want people to pity you..
And feeding you with craps...
Craps you get tired of listening........
And all you want to do is just ask them to fuck off........
But... but...

At times, you start to wander what you did wrong...
Why some people act this way........
Was it your fault or ??
Sighs...

I feel exhausted with all these..
Seriously..
I need a long break from everything..........

All nonsense questions keep popping up..
Questions that you felt that you need the answers to it
But ... sometimes you might think that its easier to just let it be.............

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I hate the way i am feeling now...
I hate being emo..
I hate the way i feel like crying..
I hate the tears that are falling...

It's hard to please everyone....

What the fuck is going on..

I hate being kept in the dark.....

I fucking hate that you toyed with me...
The mixed signals u send to me....


I hate myself for being so emo..
I hate the fake sympathy that was given..

I hate backstabbers who are trying to act pleasantly in front of me..
Spare me the details ...
And dont try to act in front of me.....

Time will heal ??
Well, i fucking don't know......

All i know is that things don't turn out the way you want it to be..
The more you want th e 'thing', the more it will turn the opposite way....
You never get it..
Life's unfair...
Life's a bitch..
Life's hard...

Deal with it or not......

I choose the latter...

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