Is it the way it feels to be sad?

A million thoughts swirling through my mind,
tears prickling at the sides ofmy eyes, threatening to roll down my face at any moment,
the heat I felt on my cheeks, turning my whole face red,
the way I bit your lip, to stop the tears from falling,
but they wouldn't stop, I tried to wipe them away with the back of my hand..
but there was no disguising my voice..
I stuttered, and my words came out all mumbled because I were not able to speak them properly with all the hurt that I felt in my heart..
Couldn't hold my tears any longer and the tears came pouring out,
I slumped over leaning against the wall in the corner of my room with my legs to my chest and my arms around them with my head down..
hugging myself because I didn't have anyone else to do it for me..
I choked on my sobs as I tried to stop them, and my body shook.. =(
My head was filled with thoughts that only made me cry harder..

Why is it that I continue to feel betrayed? Helpless? Useless? Why am I being so hard on myself? Is it because I believe that I deserved it anyway?
Cheer up I tell myself..
Im not as useless as I believe myself to be..
I just haven't found it yet..
everyone has a purpose in life..
some find it sooner, and it may take time for others to figure out what their purpose is.

But I continued feeling helpless, useless...
Helpless because i dont know what to do..
Useless because i felt that im doing not enough..

My eyes are so puffy now..
Sighs..
The questions wander in my head for a long time..
I really want to do it
But i don't have the guts..
Im chicken..
I've receive the same advice over and over again..
But im still not taking it..
Not doing it..
Lying myself all over again..
Telling myself that i will be alrite when deep down inside i know it's not going to be alrite..

So go ahead.. call me a chicken for not being brave enough to do it...