Responsibilities....

It seems tat everyone is afraid of the word, RESPONSIBILITIES..
I cant seem to understand wat's so scary bout tis word..
yes, its a huge step.. but everyone have to has tis as they grew older...
no one can escape from this.. the only way to escape from tis is when u r dead..
y cant he be more responsible for his actions?
he's 20 years old.. for god sakes..
All i need is from him to be more responsible..seriously.. tats all..
The only thing i need from him is pick up his phone when i call, be there for me when i needed him to at times like now...
but u know wat? he cant..
sumtimes i wonder if i made the right decision of getting together back with him..
If loving him is so dam hard, i rather choose to love him in my memory...
Y would he make promises tat he cant keep? Y ?
Are all guys like tis?
im seriously getting very tired of all this thing..
i really wana make everyone happy.. i really do..
but maybe making everyone happy isnt wat im good at..
it's getting very suffocating for me.. because im trying to make everyone happy
& i know ppl are taking advantage of me cos of this..
but i dun care.. i really dun... i jus want everyone to be happy..
Y cant my bf try to make me happy for once?
Y cant he be dere for me when i needed him to?
I know im alwis complaining bout him.. but deep down inside...i think wat i did was worth it..
stupid of me for thinking tat rite? but....
I jus want everyting to be alrite again.. u know wat i mean..
after flirting wif so many guys, i realize tat i dun even care for them.. i dun even give a shit bout dem..
All i care bout is him.. ONLY HIM...
But i guess what u did to other people will reflect back on u..
i guess tis is my punishment of treating him like shit at 1st..
but i din actually kiss any guys behind his back.
it was jus a harmless flirt... honestly..
i even told him bout the guys k...
wtf is all this...